Here I sat again, staring at the phone in my hand, trying to make the decision whether to press "send" or not. I had thought about it since the minute I stepped off the plane at Gatwick. That was two days ago. The thought had crossed my mind many times since then. Countless variations on "Hi, its Emily, I'm in London now."
"Arrived in London. All I have in my flat is a bed. Shag?"
"Help. Lost in Ikea at Wembley in Brent Park. Send search party. Emily." I had deleted all of them, always chickening out.
"Arrived in London. All I have in my flat is a bed. Shag?"
"Help. Lost in Ikea at Wembley in Brent Park. Send search party. Emily." I had deleted all of them, always chickening out.
Oh, sod it. Grow a pair. Go for it. Send. Message sent. "Hi. It's time for your five week check-up. How's your head? Nurse Emily." Stunned by what I had just done I sat there, frozen in horror. When the display lit up and the phone started ringing a minute later I nearly threw it away in panic. The display said "James May". OK, now answer it, you stupid...
"Hello?"
"Hi. Emily? It's James."
"Oh! Hi!" Duh, of course it was, what was I sounding surprised for?
"Listen, I'm in the car, driving, so couldn't text you back." I could hear a whooshing in the background, noise from the car and the motorway.
"Oh, right. No, I've heard that sort of thing is a bit illegal. And dangerous."
"So have I! My head is completely fine, by the way. Not sure everyone would agree to that, though.." he added as an afterthought.
"Normal is overrated."
"Precisely. Listen, I didn't see a country code on your number. You in England, now?"
"Yeah, I'm in London. In my flat right now, actually."
"And where is that?"
"Bloomsbury."
"Welcome to London then! Bloomsbury is nice. It's not that far from the BBC office actually." Aww, he sounds so enthusiastic!
"Thank you!" I said smiling stupidly at an empty room. "I arrived a few days ago. Only to discover that the place had a lot less furniture in it than I thought. That is to say, it had no furniture at all apart from kitchen and bathroom fixtures. So I spent all of yesterday in Ikea buying everything from wardrobes to lampshades," I complained. James groaned in sympathy. "They came around with everything today. Fifteen boxes of flat-packed furniture. Then I realised that my toolbox lives back in Norway, and I now live in Lo--"
"You have a toolbox?" He interrupted.
"Family of car mechanics, remember? And how sexist of you." You impressed now?
"Oh, yes, naturally. Sorry. What was I thinking. Go on."
"Anyway. Now I'm just sat here on my new bed mentally preparing to go out and buy some tools."
"Oh god, no, don't," James said flatly. "Waste of money. I have a house full of tools, borrow some of mine?" I was stunned into silence.
"That's really nice of you, James, but.. You're probably very busy, and.." I tried to protest, but he cut me off. Was he serious?
"No, I'm not that busy really. Not tonight at any rate. I'm heading in to London as we speak, and I don't have any plans for the rest of the day. I can stop by the house and grab what you need. I'll even help you build some of it, if you want."
"Ah, I forgot... You probably like building flat-packed furniture, don't you?"
"Well... A bit..."
"Listen, that's awfully nice of you, James, I really appreciate it. But you don't have to do that, though. I mean, if you have the night off, I wouldn't want to take up your time..."
"Oh stop it. I don't mind. More useful thing to do than sit at home staring at the telly." I was running out of arguments.
"But, I..." I began, not really knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I need to build something. Do I have to beg?"
"I.. Okay then. If you really don't mind."
"Open your boxes and find the build manuals, they should say what you need. Text me a list of it, and your address, ok?"
"Okay, sure, I'll get cracking with that."
"I'm about 20 minutes from home. Depending on traffic, I should be there in about an hour."
"Okay. Just call when you get here, don't have a name on my doorbell yet."
"See you soon, then."
"Yeah, see you soon." The line went silent. Yet again I found myself staring stupidly at my phone, trying to get a grip on myself. He was coming here. In an hour. To help me build furniture. Ok, wouldn't have seen that one coming. Suddenly I shot up from the bed and did a mad, celebratory dance around the living room.
"Hello?"
"Hi. Emily? It's James."
"Oh! Hi!" Duh, of course it was, what was I sounding surprised for?
"Listen, I'm in the car, driving, so couldn't text you back." I could hear a whooshing in the background, noise from the car and the motorway.
"Oh, right. No, I've heard that sort of thing is a bit illegal. And dangerous."
"So have I! My head is completely fine, by the way. Not sure everyone would agree to that, though.." he added as an afterthought.
"Normal is overrated."
"Precisely. Listen, I didn't see a country code on your number. You in England, now?"
"Yeah, I'm in London. In my flat right now, actually."
"And where is that?"
"Bloomsbury."
"Welcome to London then! Bloomsbury is nice. It's not that far from the BBC office actually." Aww, he sounds so enthusiastic!
"Thank you!" I said smiling stupidly at an empty room. "I arrived a few days ago. Only to discover that the place had a lot less furniture in it than I thought. That is to say, it had no furniture at all apart from kitchen and bathroom fixtures. So I spent all of yesterday in Ikea buying everything from wardrobes to lampshades," I complained. James groaned in sympathy. "They came around with everything today. Fifteen boxes of flat-packed furniture. Then I realised that my toolbox lives back in Norway, and I now live in Lo--"
"You have a toolbox?" He interrupted.
"Family of car mechanics, remember? And how sexist of you." You impressed now?
"Oh, yes, naturally. Sorry. What was I thinking. Go on."
"Anyway. Now I'm just sat here on my new bed mentally preparing to go out and buy some tools."
"Oh god, no, don't," James said flatly. "Waste of money. I have a house full of tools, borrow some of mine?" I was stunned into silence.
"That's really nice of you, James, but.. You're probably very busy, and.." I tried to protest, but he cut me off. Was he serious?
"No, I'm not that busy really. Not tonight at any rate. I'm heading in to London as we speak, and I don't have any plans for the rest of the day. I can stop by the house and grab what you need. I'll even help you build some of it, if you want."
"Ah, I forgot... You probably like building flat-packed furniture, don't you?"
"Well... A bit..."
"Listen, that's awfully nice of you, James, I really appreciate it. But you don't have to do that, though. I mean, if you have the night off, I wouldn't want to take up your time..."
"Oh stop it. I don't mind. More useful thing to do than sit at home staring at the telly." I was running out of arguments.
"But, I..." I began, not really knowing how to finish the sentence.
"I need to build something. Do I have to beg?"
"I.. Okay then. If you really don't mind."
"Open your boxes and find the build manuals, they should say what you need. Text me a list of it, and your address, ok?"
"Okay, sure, I'll get cracking with that."
"I'm about 20 minutes from home. Depending on traffic, I should be there in about an hour."
"Okay. Just call when you get here, don't have a name on my doorbell yet."
"See you soon, then."
"Yeah, see you soon." The line went silent. Yet again I found myself staring stupidly at my phone, trying to get a grip on myself. He was coming here. In an hour. To help me build furniture. Ok, wouldn't have seen that one coming. Suddenly I shot up from the bed and did a mad, celebratory dance around the living room.
----
I had managed to calm down enough to sit quietly on my bed to read the news on my laptop when my phone went off.
"I'm here."
"Yep, be right out." I manoeuvred my way through boxes out of the flat and down the two flights of stairs, desperately trying to persuade my heart to come down from my throat and get back to where it belonged. He was standing on the pavement, leaning against his Fiat, phone in hand, long hair being blown about and into his face. He looked up as he heard my footsteps. It felt like an utterly absurd moment. Last time I had seen him we'd been in Syria, I'd been in a nurses uniform and he'd been scruffy, dusty and bloody. Nurse and patient. And now met again, not in what just felt like another country, but another world all together. I was without my nurses uniform, and almost felt lesser for it. Being a nurse was part of my identity, I knew how to act and handle people in it, it was my job. It gave me confidence. Now I was just a normal person, in jeans and a top. James broke out in a smile when he saw me, and immediately I felt better.
"Hello!" he said, arms outstretched and I walked willingly into them. I thought he wasn't a huggy person? "It's so nice to see you again!"
"It's really nice seeing you, too!" I said as I took a step back, hardly daring to look into his eyes for fear it would make me blush furiously. "That was pretty precise! Traffic was all right, then?"
"You expected me to get lost, didn't you?" He shot me a mischievous look, and I tried for a second to look defiant, but completely broke down in a guilty smile. "Everyone expects me to get lost. But there is such a thing as sat-nav. Plus, the roads was so quiet, it was uncanny! I've never seen London traffic this quiet at 5pm on a weekday. Ever." He opened the back door of the Panda and got a toolbox out as he spoke.
"Maybe some match on?" I shrugged.
"I wouldn't know."
"Me neither. Anyway, come on, let's go inside."
"I'm here."
"Yep, be right out." I manoeuvred my way through boxes out of the flat and down the two flights of stairs, desperately trying to persuade my heart to come down from my throat and get back to where it belonged. He was standing on the pavement, leaning against his Fiat, phone in hand, long hair being blown about and into his face. He looked up as he heard my footsteps. It felt like an utterly absurd moment. Last time I had seen him we'd been in Syria, I'd been in a nurses uniform and he'd been scruffy, dusty and bloody. Nurse and patient. And now met again, not in what just felt like another country, but another world all together. I was without my nurses uniform, and almost felt lesser for it. Being a nurse was part of my identity, I knew how to act and handle people in it, it was my job. It gave me confidence. Now I was just a normal person, in jeans and a top. James broke out in a smile when he saw me, and immediately I felt better.
"Hello!" he said, arms outstretched and I walked willingly into them. I thought he wasn't a huggy person? "It's so nice to see you again!"
"It's really nice seeing you, too!" I said as I took a step back, hardly daring to look into his eyes for fear it would make me blush furiously. "That was pretty precise! Traffic was all right, then?"
"You expected me to get lost, didn't you?" He shot me a mischievous look, and I tried for a second to look defiant, but completely broke down in a guilty smile. "Everyone expects me to get lost. But there is such a thing as sat-nav. Plus, the roads was so quiet, it was uncanny! I've never seen London traffic this quiet at 5pm on a weekday. Ever." He opened the back door of the Panda and got a toolbox out as he spoke.
"Maybe some match on?" I shrugged.
"I wouldn't know."
"Me neither. Anyway, come on, let's go inside."
"Bloody Nora!" He exclaimed as he stood in my little entranceway, taking in the mountain of flat cardboard boxes in my otherwise bare living room. "You really weren't joking when you said 15 boxes, were you?"
"No I wasn't. Might be more, actually, haven't counted."
"What even is all this?"
"Um.. Kitchen table and two chairs, TV-unit-thing, living room table, office desk, nightstand and a big wardrobe. My sofa is coming next week."
"You would've been sat here building until that sofa arrived."
"You're probably right," I said and let out a laugh, looking directly into James' eyes for what may have been the first time since he came. I surveyed the living-room and sighed heavily. "God, where do I even begin?"
"Biggest thing first. Or what's more important. What's more useful to you?"
"Wardrobe."
"Sorted, then. Seems like a nice flat, though?"
"Yeah it is. Pretty tiny, granted, but hey, I'm on a nurses income. It was all done up like last year though, kitchen, bathroom, everything. And I like Bloomsbury, its' kind of a... bookish area, if you know what I mean? Lots of bookstores. Plus, Camden is only up the road."
"Your school is probably close too, yeah? Should be around here if I remember correctly."
"No, you're right, it's right around here. Anyway, should we get started with this?"
We divided up labour, James predictably spent a while looking through the build manual while I figured out which ones of the boxes contained my wardrobe. While surrounded by a chaos of nails and bolts, plywood and and tools we talked and talked, James about how the rest of the trip through the Middle East, and what he'd been up to since he came home. I talked about how my three months down there had been, what I had learned and why I had wanted to do it. Every now and then our conversations broke off into discussions about how to interpret various graphical illustrations in the build manuals. Incredibly it even turned out that I was right and he was wrong a few times. In any case these discussions often ended in hilarity. We laughed constantly. But despite this, we had the wardrobe up in just over two hours. I started on my kitchen table, James decided to build the TV bench. I warned him he'd be stuck here for another two hours if he went with that, but he did anyway. The conversation flowed easily, we talked about so many things, places we'd been, our interests, our families and friends. I was getting to know him better, know his life and his background, but in some strange way it felt like I'd known him for a while already. Maybe because everything just felt so easy. No, not easy, but.. simple, uncomplicated. I didn't feel the need to put on a mask, be someone I wasn't. There was no games, no theatre. Just two people talking, getting to know each other. It was nearly 10.30 when I sat down on a newly built kitchen chair in the living room, looking at my newly built furniture. The only thing left was the desk, which I had insisted I'd build on my own some other day. James sat down on the other one.
"Wow. We are pretty good at this," I smiled, feeling impressed.
"Not bad," James agreed.
"I would so offer you a beer or.. five, because you deserve them, but I know you have to drive home."
"We both deserve that, frankly. You built this stuff, too. Oh well, we could always go down to the pub some day, couldn't we?"
"Yeah, sure! I'd like that." I smiled. "I have actually had such a fun night, building all this. Who knew building furniture could be this much fun?"
"Well, I did."
"Well you probably did." We both spoke simultaneously, than broke out laughing.
"No, but seriously," he said, "I've had a really good night, too. But then again, just about anything can be fun if you have good company." For a minute we just looked at each other, smiling. I was so flummoxed I didn't even know what to reply. James suddenly averted his eyes, looking at the floor and cleared his throat. An awkward silence followed. "So, when do you start your new job? And when does school start?"
"First shift is in.. um, what day is it today? Thursday? Well, I start Monday. Then school starts next Thursday."
"Busy week ahead then."
"Ugh, I'm terrified," I moaned, squirming uncomfortably in my chair. Too honest.
"What, you?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I didn't think you could be scared of anything."
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Oh come on, you went to the Middle East to be an aid worker. Working a hospital in central London should be a cakewalk?"
"I hate starting new things. Change terrifies me. My first week in Syria I was a ball of anxiety, nerves, homesickness and crying fits. Worst week in my life." What about "too honest" didn't I understand?
"Starting something new is always scary. Isn't it for everyone? This isn't Syria. It's just London. You were a good nurse in Syria, to me at least. You'll be just fine." He looked at me calmly with tranquil, blue eyes. And for as long as I looked into his eyes I believed him. James looked at his watch and got up from the chair with a sigh. "I better get home, it's getting late. I'll leave the tools, you have a desk to build, I'll drop by and pick them up sometime."
"Yeah, I appreciate that, that would be great." James slid his leather jacket back on, checked for car keys in one pocket and phone in the other. He sidled towards the door
"Listen.. Again, thanks for helping me out," I said, accompanying him to the door. "And drive safe, yeah?"
"It's Captain Slow you're talking too. I'm not the one having accidents, that's Hammonds' job." I laughed. "Have a good night, Emily." I waved feebly at him, not daring to give him a hug. He smiled back and disappeared out the door.
"No I wasn't. Might be more, actually, haven't counted."
"What even is all this?"
"Um.. Kitchen table and two chairs, TV-unit-thing, living room table, office desk, nightstand and a big wardrobe. My sofa is coming next week."
"You would've been sat here building until that sofa arrived."
"You're probably right," I said and let out a laugh, looking directly into James' eyes for what may have been the first time since he came. I surveyed the living-room and sighed heavily. "God, where do I even begin?"
"Biggest thing first. Or what's more important. What's more useful to you?"
"Wardrobe."
"Sorted, then. Seems like a nice flat, though?"
"Yeah it is. Pretty tiny, granted, but hey, I'm on a nurses income. It was all done up like last year though, kitchen, bathroom, everything. And I like Bloomsbury, its' kind of a... bookish area, if you know what I mean? Lots of bookstores. Plus, Camden is only up the road."
"Your school is probably close too, yeah? Should be around here if I remember correctly."
"No, you're right, it's right around here. Anyway, should we get started with this?"
We divided up labour, James predictably spent a while looking through the build manual while I figured out which ones of the boxes contained my wardrobe. While surrounded by a chaos of nails and bolts, plywood and and tools we talked and talked, James about how the rest of the trip through the Middle East, and what he'd been up to since he came home. I talked about how my three months down there had been, what I had learned and why I had wanted to do it. Every now and then our conversations broke off into discussions about how to interpret various graphical illustrations in the build manuals. Incredibly it even turned out that I was right and he was wrong a few times. In any case these discussions often ended in hilarity. We laughed constantly. But despite this, we had the wardrobe up in just over two hours. I started on my kitchen table, James decided to build the TV bench. I warned him he'd be stuck here for another two hours if he went with that, but he did anyway. The conversation flowed easily, we talked about so many things, places we'd been, our interests, our families and friends. I was getting to know him better, know his life and his background, but in some strange way it felt like I'd known him for a while already. Maybe because everything just felt so easy. No, not easy, but.. simple, uncomplicated. I didn't feel the need to put on a mask, be someone I wasn't. There was no games, no theatre. Just two people talking, getting to know each other. It was nearly 10.30 when I sat down on a newly built kitchen chair in the living room, looking at my newly built furniture. The only thing left was the desk, which I had insisted I'd build on my own some other day. James sat down on the other one.
"Wow. We are pretty good at this," I smiled, feeling impressed.
"Not bad," James agreed.
"I would so offer you a beer or.. five, because you deserve them, but I know you have to drive home."
"We both deserve that, frankly. You built this stuff, too. Oh well, we could always go down to the pub some day, couldn't we?"
"Yeah, sure! I'd like that." I smiled. "I have actually had such a fun night, building all this. Who knew building furniture could be this much fun?"
"Well, I did."
"Well you probably did." We both spoke simultaneously, than broke out laughing.
"No, but seriously," he said, "I've had a really good night, too. But then again, just about anything can be fun if you have good company." For a minute we just looked at each other, smiling. I was so flummoxed I didn't even know what to reply. James suddenly averted his eyes, looking at the floor and cleared his throat. An awkward silence followed. "So, when do you start your new job? And when does school start?"
"First shift is in.. um, what day is it today? Thursday? Well, I start Monday. Then school starts next Thursday."
"Busy week ahead then."
"Ugh, I'm terrified," I moaned, squirming uncomfortably in my chair. Too honest.
"What, you?" He raised an eyebrow at me. "I didn't think you could be scared of anything."
"Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Oh come on, you went to the Middle East to be an aid worker. Working a hospital in central London should be a cakewalk?"
"I hate starting new things. Change terrifies me. My first week in Syria I was a ball of anxiety, nerves, homesickness and crying fits. Worst week in my life." What about "too honest" didn't I understand?
"Starting something new is always scary. Isn't it for everyone? This isn't Syria. It's just London. You were a good nurse in Syria, to me at least. You'll be just fine." He looked at me calmly with tranquil, blue eyes. And for as long as I looked into his eyes I believed him. James looked at his watch and got up from the chair with a sigh. "I better get home, it's getting late. I'll leave the tools, you have a desk to build, I'll drop by and pick them up sometime."
"Yeah, I appreciate that, that would be great." James slid his leather jacket back on, checked for car keys in one pocket and phone in the other. He sidled towards the door
"Listen.. Again, thanks for helping me out," I said, accompanying him to the door. "And drive safe, yeah?"
"It's Captain Slow you're talking too. I'm not the one having accidents, that's Hammonds' job." I laughed. "Have a good night, Emily." I waved feebly at him, not daring to give him a hug. He smiled back and disappeared out the door.
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