Chapter 69

The door flew open and a wild-eyed, bushy-haired James burst through it, breathing like he had run all the way from Paris on his own two legs. Both of us looked calmly up at him from where we were, me standing by my bed and Richard sitting on a chair in a corner. Coming to an abrupt halt he stared at us both with utter confusion in his eyes.
“What did you expect? Blood and goo and hysterical screaming?” I asked, chewing my lip not to smirk at him.
“Something like that! I expected you to be in bed, at any rate,” he said, still out of breath. In three hurried strides he crossed the floor towards me. Despite being sweaty and already feeling exhausted, my heart beat faster at the sight of him and a wide smile spread on my face.
“Hello, sweetheart...” He smiled too as he wrapped his arms around me, giving me a long hug while running his hand down my back.
“Sorry, I'm all sweaty and icky,” I apologised. He didn't care, but kissed my cheek then pressed his lips against mine. “You've been drinking, you wanker,” I smirked, smelling the alcohol on him.
“Yeah... But I have so much adrenaline in my body, I swear I have never been more sober in my life,” he giggled back a little nervously, his eyes glittering. For a moment I forgot everything around me, I forgot about being in a hospital, about Richard and about being in labour, all that existed was my James and his beautiful eyes. “Also, you promised me this wouldn't happen and that this baby wouldn't, under any circumstances, come for another three weeks at least,” James reminded me.
“Damn. I was hoping you wouldn't bring that up...” I smiled innocently up at James. “Call it even?”
“Okay...” James breathed, smiling then giving me another kiss. Richard cleared his throat in the background, obviously feeling rather ignored. He'd gotten out of his chair, looking a little awkward. “Hammond.. Thanks a lot for staying here,” James said, looking even more awkward, and to my surprise he even gave Richard a hug.
“No worries, mate...” Richard answered, patted his back. “Listen, I'm going to get out of here, leave you two alone, this is your moment after all.” He looked from James to me, and I nodded at him. Richard came over to me and I took his hand in mine, squeezing it.
“Richard, thank you so, so much for staying here with me, for all your help... I don't know what I would've done without you,” I said gratefully.
“You've been doing great, Emily. You can do this,” he said reassuringly, then took a step closer and gave my forehead a kiss before hugging me.
“Thanks...” I squeaked, and for some reason I was crying again, touched by Richard's words and his tenderness.
“Let me know when it's over, okay? I want to know everything; weight, length, hair-colour, innie or outie, if James cried like a sissy, everything.” At this I gave a watery chuckle.
“Okay, I will,” I nodded. “Drive safe.” Richard picked up his jacket, put it on and waved one more time before exiting the room.
“And now you're stuck with me... a blithering incompetent idiot,” James said a little apologetically, wrapping his arms around me.
“Both of us is pretty incompetent at this, though, none of us has ever done this before,” I smiled back. A great weight had been lifted from my shoulders now that James was here, I felt like I could breathe easier and actually focus on what I knew was going to get only worse and be one of the toughest things I would ever have to go through. Richard had been great and done everything he could to help and support me, and without him I would have been an absolute wreck. But now that I had James with me, the prospect of going through the rest of my labour didn't seem so daunting.
“I'm surprised you're up and walking,” James admitted, studying me intently.
“I wasn't before, but it's been quiet for the last twenty minutes,” I explained, rubbing at my aching back.
“It just.. stopped? What does that mean? Is something wrong?” he jabbered, instantly worrying.
“No no no, James, relax, it doesn't have to mean anything. It just.. happens. Its just... taking a break,” I shrugged, running my hands over my stomach. Just as I said so, the pain shot through me again and I bent over double. “See? Juuuust a break,” I groaned, crawling back into bed on my hands and knees. Standing on all fours I hung over the raised headboard of the bed, huffing.
“Anything I can do?” James asked, doing a poor job at keeping the panic in his voice to a minimum. “Rub my back...” I begged. I felt James' hands on my back, trembling. “Lower down, and harder.”
“Hammond did this better, didn't he,” James asked mildly when he sensed that the contraction was over.
“Actually, yes,” I admitted with a snort, then awkwardly turned around in the bed, coming to rest on my back. James hovered by my bedside, looking tense and pale.
“We could call him, you know, get him back here, he can't have gotten far,” James suggested.
“Oh don't be daft, James,” I scoffed.
“I'm sorry, I'm just feeling... utterly clueless,” he said, looking desperately unhappy.
“Sweetheart... Just that you're here means everything to me,” I smiled at him, stretching out a hand towards him. He took it and I pulled him closer, making him sit down on the edge of my bed. “Having Richard here was good, he's done this before so he was very calm and together about everything. But... he isn't the father of this baby.”
“I hope not..” James mumbled under his breath, but I could see the teasing glint in his eyes.
“Don't even go there!” I said, unable to stop myself from laughing. “The point is - he isn't you. And you are all I care about. This isn't a competition about who is the better birth helper, you know,” I smirked, and James blushed a little, averting his eyes. “I feel so much better now that you're here, I was so worried you were going to miss out on this.”
“I was worried about that, too.. You know, out of all the races and things we've done on Top Gear, this was by far the most nerve-wracking, it was the longest car journey of my life!”
“Please tell me you didn't drive?”
“And land myself in prison on top of everything else? God no. I've been drinking!”

Now that James had arrived and I gone into a more relaxed state of mind, my body took that as a sign to speed things up significantly. Contractions became more and intense and came as often as every three minutes. When the midwife came to check on me she decided it was time to move into the actual delivery room. After that everything turned into a blur. One contraction just seemed to be replaced by a new one, I was in a chaotic haze of pain and misery. I concentrated on breathing, determined to use my energy for other things than screaming bloody murder, even though I wanted to at certain times. The only time I screamed was when I asked if I, for the love of god, could maybe be allowed to push now?! The midwife gave me permission, and not a moment too soon, because after four or five pushes the pain , the tightness, the tension, the strain, everything just disappeared.
“What happened?!” I asked breathlessly, as my eyes had been tightly shut and I hadn't even seen what had happened.
“Your daughter was just born,” Julia replied, half-laughing at my stupid question. On cue there was a high-pitched, unearthly cry and my eyes sprang open. She was holding a baby, purple-pink and shiny and screaming her lungs out. “Open your shirt, dear. Here you go, baby, here's mummy,” she crooned, placing the protesting infant on my now bare chest. Completely mesmerized, having forgotten about everyone around me including James, I stared at the baby whose trembling wailing was dying down to small, squeaky sobs.
“Hello, little human...” I sniffed, tears pouring down my cheeks. Julia brought a preheated blanket over and draped it over the baby.
“Congratulations mummy. And congratulations daddy,” she said, her face shining. This reminded me that James was there, and as I looked over to him I saw that he was white as a sheet and his eyes were wide with shock.
“James? You all right?” I asked mildly. His eyes snapped up from the baby to me and he nodded absent-mindedly, his eyes dropping down to the baby again. Looking at the infant again, I saw that she had opened her eyes and was staring up at me, blinking slowly. “Hey, you... Hello, sweetheart. Welcome to the world...” I sniffed. For a long time I just stared at her, hypnotized at the sight. She was mine, I had made her, she was my daughter. Our daughter. “God, you're a gloopy, messy one, aren't you?” I gave a watery chuckle and ran a trembling hand over her sticky tufts of light brown hair and down her back.
“What is that on her skin again?” James asked, looking up at the midwife, and she launched inot an explanation about 'vernix caseosa'.
"Listen, how about I take her for a minute and get her cleaned up a bit, weigh her and do all of that. Meanwhile you can get cleaned up a little too? Get into a clean bed and so on?" Julia suggested mildly.
"All right..." I said hesitantly, unwilling to let my baby go. With a trained, gentle hand Julia lifted up the baby and cradled her in her arms. "I'll give you two a minute on your own. Then I'll send in a nurse to help you get cleaned up." She turned on her heels and disappeared, and I stared after her, already missing the warmth of my child. With a sigh I closed my hospital shirt, then turned to look at James, who still looked pale and shaken.
"Sure you're all right?" I asked again. Ignoring my question he just took my hand in one of his, then ran the other of my forehead.
"You did...so good, Emily. I'm so impressed, and immensely proud of you," he smiled. "You are absolutely amazing."
"Aw... Thank you, sweetheart," I said, returning the smile.
"God, I love you," he sighed, then leaned in and gave me a long, lingering kiss.
"I love you too," I said, squeezing his hand. "Can you believe our baby was just born?"
"No," he said flatly, shaking his head a little.

There was a gentle knock on the door, and a nurse entered with a wheelchair and a washbowl full of cloths and towels. She ushered James out of the room and directed him back to the family room. Then she set about helping me get cleaned up and into a new hospital gown before she helped me out of bed and into the wheelchair, as my legs were a bit wobbly. When I was wheeled into our room James was sitting the chair that Hammond had occupied most of the evening, still looking shell-shocked. The nurse helped me over in the bed, then quietly exited the room. As if on cue, Julia appeared with a baby bed on wheels. The baby lying in it now looked very different from the one I had seen twenty minutes earlier. Her skin colour had become more normal, even though she was still quite pink. Most of the waxy goo that had been on her was gone, and she was now clad in a white onesie and cradled in a pink hospital blanket.
"I thought you might want this back," Julie said in a quiet whisper, gently lifting the baby up and placing her in my arms. The baby opened her eyes at the sensation of being moved.
"Thanks," I whispered back. Staring at the bundle I couldn't stop grinning so badly it nearly hurt. "How much did she weigh?" I asked, realising that it couldn't have been much.
"5.7 pounds, and a shade over 18 inches. She's a tiny one, but she is nearly four weeks early. And her mum isn't a giant either," Julia smiled, not looking worried about her small size at all. "Everything is fine, blood pressure and heart rate is normal, good oxygen levels in her blood, everything is perfect. Now, try to get some sleep, all three of you."
"Oh god, what time is it? What time was she even born?" I asked, having forgotten such a concept as time even existed.
"It's now... 3:20am and she was born at 2:47 am. If you need me, you know how to get hold of me." Julia walked out of the room and quietly shut the door behind her. The baby in my arms was wide awake, staring wonderingly up at me. Looking over at James he scooted his chair closer, also needing to look at her.
"Hello, pumpkin... I bet that felt nice, huh? Getting all that goo off and getting some nice, clean clothes on." I crooned softly at the baby, smiling all the while. With amazement I ran my fingers over her now clean hair and her incredibly soft skin, drinking her in. Running a fingertip over her cheek and the corner of her mouth, she immediately turned her head a little towards my finger, opening her mouth a little. I had read enough about babies and birth to know that within the first hour the instinct to breastfeed could arise. "See? Instinct is kicking in already," I smiled up at James. "All right... Lets see if we can figure this thing out, huh? You and me, we'll figure it out, won't we?" Onehanded I undid the buttons on my hospital gown and pulled the shirt away, exposing a breast. I pulled her closer to it, and with my free hand I steered my nipple towards her mouth, brushing it over her lips. She opened her mouth again and I pulled her even closer. She gaped wide, tried to suckle and lost it a few times, then she got the hang of it. "Oh goood this feels weird!" I exclaimed, and James laughed.
"I can imagine it does!” he conceded with a little snort.
“That's my girl!” I cheered in hushed tones. The baby suckled for a little bit, but then her pace slowed and she blinked slowly a couple of times, eventually falling asleep with her lips against my breast. “Lights out, it seems.”
“Maybe you should try and get some sleep too,” James suggested mildly.
“Yeah... But I'm not putting her down,” I said stubbornly. I had been sitting in bed, my back against the headboard. Slowly, hoping I wouldn't disturb her too much, I laid her down next to me on the bed, making sure to wrap her in her blanket before I inched down onto the bed, coming to rest on my side with my head on the pillow. Then I pulled my baby girl as close to me as I could, wrapping an arm around her. James rounded the bed, took off his clothes and crawled under his own duvet. As I closed my eyes, letting myself relax, I felt his hand on mine. Then I was out like a light.

Chapter 68

 Over the next few hours a million things seemed to happen to me, none of which I felt I had any control over. Richard drove calmly to the hospital while I huffed my way through another few contractions, gripping the edge of the seat. Once at the hospital I was admitted, stuffed into a hospital gown, put in a rather dangerous-looking “labour” bed, poked with a needle, prodded and examined. Then I was wheeled in my bed into a room which the nurse kindly explained was a “family room”. It was cozy, it had a double bed, a comfy-looking high-backed armchair, a TV, a dresser with a changing mat and actual nice pictures on the walls. Furthermore she explained that this was where I could stay in the initial stages, but when it got close I would be pushed into the delivery room across the hall. I was still struggling to accept that my water had broken, the fact that I was basically in the early stages of labour was something I hadn't even began to contemplate.

Richard sat on a chair, trying not to pay attention to a conversation between Emily and a nurse that he felt was too personal for him to be listening in on anyway. He was grateful when his phone rang, which gave him an excuse to exit the room. When he picked up, he didn't even have time to say hello before the tirade came.

“Richard?! What’s going on, what’s happening?! I haven't heard a word in nearly two hours! That hardly qualifies as keeping my updated!” James barked.

“You've sobered up, I hear...” Richard muttered sarcastically.

“Richard! I have a machete!”

“James, James, relax! Everything and everyone is absolutely fine,” Richard said reassuringly. “Sorry I didn't call you earlier, traffic was a bit mental, we only got here about forty-five minutes ago, things have been a bit hectic...” He rambled apologetically. There was a long silence.

“... Good.” James' sigh of relief was audible even over the phone.”I'm in a car. The next flight to London didn't leave in a few hours, we figured it might be just as quick to just drive to London.”

“Please tell me you're not driving?”

“Mno, I threatened a sound-tech to do it or he'd be out of a job.”

“Well, needs must, I guess.”

“So.. How's Emily doing?”

“Emily? She's doing good, James, don't worry.” Richard decided to drop the comedy and be a mate for once, he could tell by James' voice that he was going spare. And he had no problems understanding him, either, if it had been him stuck in a wrong country while Mindy had gone into labour he would've lost it on the spot. “You know your woman, she's a Valkyrie, she can take absolutely anything.”

“I know she's tough, but... Richard, could I ask you a favour? Could you stay with her until I get there? She's going to say that you don't have to be there, that you can go home, but just... don't listen to her, just tell her you're staying. Please? I can't bear the thought of her having to go through this on her own. Especially if this baby is born before I get there.”

“James, you pillock, you don't even have to ask me that, I was going to do that anyway.”

“... Thanks,” James mumbled awkwardly. “Listen, could I talk to her, maybe?”

The nurse was long gone, and now I realised that Richard was gone too. I sat there in my enormous hospital-gown, feeling rather abandoned. Inside my stomach there was suddenly no sign of life, no movement, no contractions, no nothing, and even though the rational side of me knew that to be perfectly normal, it didn't help. It still worried me. I raised my head when the door opened.

“Hey, Emily. Want to talk to daddy?” Richard held up his phone, wiggling it a little. I bit my lower lip, looking sceptically at the phone, then I nodded. I couldn't not talk to him, how would that seem? Shaking I accepted the phone and held it up to my ear.

“Hello?”

“Hello, sweetheart. How are you doing?” James voice was warm and tender, and the sound of it nearly tore my insides a part. With a pang I realised just how badly I missed him, how much I needed him here with me. Once again I bit my lip, so hard I tasted blood. When I spoke, it took all my concentration to keep my voice steady and calm.

“Hi, sweetheart. I'm okay. You know, after the circumstances...”

“Is Richard being nice to you?” At this I almost laughed, looking over at Richard who was now sitting in a chair restlessly flicking through an issue of 'Mother & Baby', his hair slightly on end.

“Yes, as a matter of fact. He's brought me chocolate. And ice chips, for some reason. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with those, and he won't tell me, but he says I'll thank him.”

“Good, good...” James mumbled, obviously not taking in a word I was saying. “Emily, I'm on my way home, I'm in a car right now, we're about an hour out of Paris. GPS says this should take about four more hours... Hopefully we won't have to wait too long for channel tunnel train. If we do, I might actually swim the damn channel myself.”

“Okay...” I said feebly, a sour lump swelling in my throat again.

“Could you just... Keep it in until I get there?” He begged, only half joking.

“I'll do my best. Just... get home, okay? But be safe.”

“I will. I'm not the one driving, if that's any comfort.”

“Good! Means you'll be here faster!” I retorted in an attempt to make a joke. That was when I realised I couldn't hold on much longer. “Listen, James, I better hang up, there's a nurse here to talk to me,” I blatantly lied.

“Oh, okay... Keep me posted, yeah...?”

“Of course, sweetie.”

“I love you.”

“Love you too.” As soon as I had hung up, I flopped back on the pillow with a huge sob that completely took my breath away. Richard obviously hadn't caught the last of our conversation, but he caught my sob and leapt out of his chair. To my slight surprised he didn't ask me what was wrong or why I was crying, he just took my hand in his and caressed my arm soothingly with the other, letting me cry.

“Its okay, Emily... He'll be here soon, he's on his way. I know that doesn't help much right now, though,” he said after a while. I squeezed his hand in an attempt to signal that I had heard him and appreciated his comfort, speech still beyond me. Eventually I heaved a deep breath, sniffed and wiped my face.

“I just... I just couldn't cry on the phone,” I said with a choked voice. “He's in France because of me, I practically forced him to go, promising this wouldn't happen while he was away, that this baby wouldn't be early. I just couldn't... let him hear me be upset that he wasn't here, it wouldn't be fair on him, its my fault he's not here right now. And now he's doing everything he can to get back, so I couldn't let him hear me... fall apart.” Richard sighed and pulled up a chair, then sat down an studied me for a little.

“The two of you are just.. incredible,” he sighed, shaking his head a little. “You two love each other so much you would do practically anything to protect each other. Its amazing how either one of you would gladly destroy yourself if it meant you could shield the other.”

“I would, it's true...” I confirmed with a sniff and a nod, fidgeting with my hands. “Richard, I... I know you only came by to check on me, and that this is probably the last thing you want to be doing on a Saturday night... I hate asking about this, but do you think you could stay here until-”

“Don't insult me by asking, then,” Richard cut me off. “What do you take me for? Of course I would never leave you here on your own. If you want me to stay here, of course I'll stay.”

“Thank you,” I sniffed, feeling a little awkward. I drew a deep breath, calming down a little. There was a knock on the door, and a woman entered. Smilingly she introduced herself as Julia, the midwife, and I shook her hand. Still smiling she turned to Richard.

“So this is the expectant father? Hammond, is it?” She asked, stretching out a hand towards him, obviously recognising him from the telly. Rising from his chair he shook her hand while spluttering feeble protests.

“Oh no, no, I'm just a friend I'm not the.. um.. It isn't me, I'm married, I have children. Its the other one. You know, with the long hair, flowery shirts...?” I couldn't help but laugh loudly at Richard's rambling. She midwife looked confusedly from Richard to me, her smile faltering a little.

“'The other one' is in France, on his way home,” I explained. “Richard was just visiting me and then the water broke and.. well, here we are. Hopefully he'll be here in four hours or so, Richard is staying with me until then."

“Oh, right! Well, lets hope the expectant father gets here in time,” she said soothingly, her smile back again, then she turned on her heels and left. Feeling restless and anxious I managed to heave myself out of bed and began waddling around the room, pacing back and forth. Time seemed to hardly move as my eyes were constantly on the clock on the wall. The contractions were still far apart, and not as bad as I had expected, but I was almost resenting every one of them as I knew each one brought the birth closer. After some experimentation I figured out that hanging over the hospital bed somehow made the contractions easier to get through. Richard kept his calm, cheering me on and rubbing my lower back when it hurt. It was getting late, and I felt bad for keeping Richard up

After a few hours Richard's phone rang, he looked at the screen and then just handed it to me. I read James' name on the screen and steeled myself again.

“Hi, sweetheart,” I said in a bright voice, sitting down on the bed.

“I'm in the right country at least, thank god!” James announced loudly.

“Oh, yaaay!” I cheered.

“We were lucky with the channel train, didn't have to wait long, we just got off it. I still feel like I have been in this car for three centuries!” He said frustratedly. There was a little silence, then he sighed. “I'm sorry, what am I complaining about, you are the only one who should be allowed to complain right now. How are you, honey?”

“I'm okay, nothing much is happening so far, its slow going... I think you're going to make it here in plenty of time, I have contractions about every ten minutes.”

“How awful are they?” He asked sympathetically.

“Not so bad yet, I'm doing okay. ”

“Honey, I'm so sorry, I wish I was there, you have no idea how much I wish I--”

“James, don't do this, there's no point. Just... Concentrate on getting here, okay?”

“Okay, okay. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I hung up and handed the phone back to Richard. “He's in England, they just got off the train.”

“Oh, that's good! They must be making good time, then.” Richard said brightly. Just as I was about to answer Richard, a pain shot through my pelvis and lower back, it was like every muscle in my midriff cramped up. My 'yeah' transformed into a long, strained howl of pain that made Richard jump.

“Ow... ow ow ow ow...,” I complained as the pain receded finally receded, the contraction having lasted longer than any of my previous. “That felt... different. Bad different!”

“Well, in my experience, birth is a thing that sort of grows... a million times worse before it gets better,” Richard said cautiously, making a sympathetic frown. “At least that was the general impressions Mindy gave...” After that, the contractions changed completely, becoming longer, more painful and more frequent. I had read enough about giving birth to know that there were several different types of contractions, all with different functions and manifestations of pain. As my first bout of contractions had been bad, these were agonisingly all-consuming, sweeping everything else from my mind. Walking around was out of the question now, my legs just buckled under me every time the pain hit. After half an hour of increasing misery I called for the midwife. As I described the changes in my contractions she promptly threw Richard out and did a quick exam.

“Oooh, things have definitely changed! You're at six centimetres now!” She said happily, her head emerging absurdly from between my legs.

“What?!” I squeaked. The last time I had been examined there had barely been any dilation at all. If I had felt like I wasn't in control then, I really felt out of control now. “Do you think it'll happen soon?”

“I can't answer that, dear,” the midwife said, draping a blanket over me again. “It might happen soon, it might not be for hours and hours. There really isn't any way to tell. There has been a lot of progress in the last hour, but it might not continue this way, the dilation might stop for a while, I just don't know. How far away is your partner?”

“I don't know, couple of hours, maybe less.” I talked fast as I was bracing for the next contraction that was coming on.

“I'll send your friend in again, all right?” She asked, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I was huffing my way through another wave of pain. I just nodded and grunted, far too preoccupied with my own suffering. Richard returned and sat down on my bedside, offering up a hand for me to squeeze if I needed to.

“What did she say? She didn't tell me anything,” Richard asked when I relaxed and stopped huffing.

“Apparently this baby is in a fucking hurry all of a sudden,” I grumbled. Then, abruptly and without warning I began crying again. A wave of panic and fear swept over me, every bit as painful as the physical agony of contractions. “No, no, no, I can't do this, I'm not ready for this, and I'm not sure James is either. I can't do this, I can't have a child, its scares the fucking life out of me! I'm not ready for this baby to come out yet...” I wailed.

“Ssh ssh, Emily, calm down....” Richard soothed. He waited for my sobs to calm down before he continued speaking. “Of course you are ready for this, you both are. I know it's scary, but... You and James are going to be such amazing parents. Both of you are calm, intelligent, caring people, and you'll both do everything you possibly can to do what is best for your child. Of course it's daunting, but you've both been so excited and happy about this, too. And that's what so amazing about having a baby, it's like nothing you've ever experienced in your life.”

“That's for sure...” I sniffed.

“Emily, don't worry. You and James love each other, which is the most important thing. Besides, this baby is going to have a whole bunch of aunties and uncles that can help out. Not just James' family but me and Mindy, Francie and Jezza.. We'll all be there.”

“Okay... Thanks...” I mumbled.

“Don't tell James I spoke nicely of him.”

“Wouldn't dream of it,” I smiled weakly. I squeezed Richard's hand, looking at him gratefully. “I'm glad at least one of us has gone through this before! Thank you so much for staying here, and for... being so great to me. You're turning out to be a good midwife. Mid...husband? Midman?”

“Birth assistant?” Richard suggested, and I laughed. I spent the next hour huffing and wheezing my way through contraction after contraction, bullets of sweat hailing on my forehead. Between every wave of pain I fought my increasing panic that James wouldn't make it in time. When Richard called James to give him an update, they had just driven past Maidstone and he'd be at the hospital within an hour.

Chapter 67

 Two months whizzed by, and suddenly we were in April. I couldn't even begin to understand where the past seven months had gone, and it was even harder to fathom that my due date was now only a month away. We had finished moving into the house and settled in quite happily. The biggest job of all had actually been to move James' “man cave” from the industrial building in Hammersmith to the warehouse we now had in our driveway. Leaving his old workshop had definitely been the most emotional for James, far more than moving from the house. The workshop meant a lot to him, it was his sanctuary, a place where he could sort out his thoughts and feelings, or forget the world outside. A place to relax and be himself, without any deadlines or expectations. The move hadn't been that easy on Fusker either, he had accepted it reluctantly but sometimes disappeared for days, and I was worried he was trying to find his way back “home”. My favourite room in the house had quickly become the study, where we had lined three of the walls with bookcases and filled them with books, vinyl albums, CD’s, photos and memories. The room held James' piano, and a few huge high-backed armchairs that I loved to curl up in and read, or listen to music or James playing. When spring neared I began pottering around the garden, trying to teach myself how to take care of plants, and failing most of the time. But as my stomach continued to grow I had to abandon that hobby when bending over plants and flowerbeds became difficult and uncomfortable.

Crawling into bed one evening I snuggled right up to James, as close as I could get with my now huge tummy in the way. I was warm as I had just gotten out of the bathtub and James groaned happily as I inched up to him, happy to feel my body and skin close to his. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, wanting to sleep, trying to ignore my stiff back and the fact that I really had to pee again. After a long moment of silence James spoke.

“Emily?”
“Mm?” I mumbled drowsily.

“I don't want to go to France this weekend.”

“Oh, James, don't start this again...” I sighed. The plan was that James and his crew from Man Lab were to go to France to shoot a last sequence for the last episode of the season. “This might be the last chance you'll get to do any work in months, possibly years,” I added darkly.

“But... Will you even be all right on your own? I mean, you can barely put on your own shoes these days, and... You should be taking it easy. Its getting close, and...” he stammered.

“James! The due date is nearly a month away! And first-timers nearly always go over anyway! And I CAN put on my own shoes!” James just looked at with sad, almost pleading eyes. “James, sweetheart. I promise you, absolutely nothing will happen while you're away for three days. This baby is not going to be born while you're in France.”

“Promise?”

“I promise,” I smiled.

“So what are you going to do while I'm away?” He asked.

“I am going to lie in bed, watch TV and eat Ritz crackers with cream cheese.”

“I'm amazed you're not fed up with eating that yet,” James chuckled, shaking his head exasperatedly. I squeezed him a little, hugging him tight, realising that I was going to miss him a lot even if he was just gone for a few days. “Emily. Our son or daughter is punching me in the ribs,” he announced dryly. The nightly movements had become such a habit for me that I didn't even notice them any more.

“There is no point informing me about it, I already know that. You could try do something about it?”
“Me? What can I do about it? It lives inside you!” He argued back.

“Well, maybe you could try talking to him or her, maybe the sound of your voice will calm it down?” I suggested. James frowned, looking at me with incredulity, as if he really couldn't believe that I had just suggested that. Then he sighed, rolled his eyes and turned onto his side, inching down the bed until his head was level with my tummy. He sighed again, hesitating and looking a little uncomfortable. Apparently James found it absurd to try and talk to my midriff. He ran a hand over my stomach and cleared his throat before speaking softly.

“Um... Hello.” As he said this I couldn't help but laugh loudly. “What?!” James asked with raised eyebrows, looking up at me. “You have to start with hello!”

“Yes, yes, I know, honey,” I said, stifling a giggle and running a hand over his hair. With another sigh, James turned to my stomach again.

“So... Hello. I'm your.. dad.” At this there was a massive punch, so forceful I could see my stomach move. “I know, I'm sorry, I apologise in advance. But... See, I haven't done this before, and so... I don't know how to do it well. I don't like that, not knowing what to do. But I'll try to do my best...” As he spoke James ran his hand calmly over the unruly tummy, caressing the baby within. I watched him quietly as he spoke, running my hand over his hair. Nothing warmed my heart more than seeing James like this, being intimate and bonding with our baby. “I know its probably getting a bit incommodious in there, but do you think you could maybe stop moving around so much? Your mummy can't sleep when you do that, you see... And I can tell that she is really tired right now and really needs her sleep. You should try to be nice to your mummy, because she's the most amazing person in the entire world. You are very lucky to get her for a mum, you know. And I'm even luckier to have her, and that she wants to be with me, because she is the love of my life.”

“I think its working...” I whispered, desperately trying to blink back the emotional tears that were welling up in my eyes. It was indeed working, there was definitely less movement and kicking going on.

“All right, so... In a few days, I have to go away for a little while. I won't be gone for long, but I would really appreciate if you stayed in there until I get back. Because I would really like to be there when you're born, I'm not sure I could forgive myself if I wasn't.”

“Keep going,” I prompted. Having run out of things to say, James began singing quietly in stead. It took a while before I recognised it as some old serenade by Thomas Campion that James sometimes hummed to himself, which almost made me laugh again. But James had a good voice, calm and steady, and it wasn't long until the baby's movements had stilled.

“I.. think it worked,” James whispered as he looked up at me, eyes wide with surprise. Carefully, as if to not wake the baby, he inched his way up the bed again. Resting his head on the pillow he looked at me, looking a little proud of himself.

“You did it, dad!” I cheered in a subdued whisper, running my hand over his back.

“I probably bored it to sleep with my talking...” He giggled, still whispering.

“Whatever works, really,” I shrugged, and we both chuckled quietly. James turned over on his back, pulling me close.

“All right, I guess I'll go to France,” he sighed.

“Good spaniel,” I murmured sleepily, caressing his chest with a heavy hand.

After much fuss and mild arguments I managed to shoo James firmly out of the house on Thursday around noon. When he had left I had a cup of tea then began on the task I had set myself for the weekend, which was to launder all the smallest baby-clothes we had, and put them in the dresser in the nursery. I enjoyed doing these things, all these little preparations made me feel a little bit more ready for what was coming. Most of what we needed were in place by now; the nursery now held a dresser, a rocking chair, a brand new pram and car seat along with a bookshelf that was already bursting with toys and books. In the bathroom was a changer and diaper bin in the bathroom. After some mild persuasion I had managed to get James to agree to a “baby hammock”, which was now hanging from the ceiling in the living room. We had also 'inherited' a lot of things from the Hammonds. Mindy was so excited about the baby that she'd in her eagerness gone through all of the things they had from when the girls were babies, and had come bearing bags and bags of stuff; a play-mat, toys, rattlers, bed linen and neutral baby-clothes. She had another few bags of clothes ready if it turned out to be a girl. I was incredibly grateful for all of it.

Precisely two minutes after I wallowed onto the sofa with a blanket, there was a knock on the front door. I swore loudly and flailed about, trying to heave myself out of the sofa again.

“Yeah yeah, I'm coming, in about twenty minutes or so... Have patience!” I shouted, finally managing to get myself vertical. Clutching at my increasingly aching back I waddled over to the front door. “Richard! Hello! Sorry for making you wait, I just can't get out of the sofa without a winch,” I apologised.

“Hello! I was in the neighbourhood, sort of, so I thought I'd stop by,” he said airily. I frowned, narrowing my eyes a little as I studied him.

“James sent you, didn't he.”

“Yes. Yes he did,” Richard admitted immediately. I couldn't help but laugh as he hung his head in shame for having been found out so quickly.

“Well, if you fancy staying for a bit my plan for the afternoon was pizza and a Lord of the Rings marathon,” I said, taking a step back to let him in.

“God, you are such a geek. But, sure,” he nodded, coming inside and closing the door behind him. “I talked to James on the phone, he was fussing about you, I said I was staying in London until tomorrow and offered to drop by.” I waddled back to the sofa and slumped back onto it, Richard trailing behind me.

“Oh god, what was he fussing about now?” I sighed.

“What wasn't he fussing about, more like! Worried you didn't have enough food in the house so you'd have to go out shopping, or that you were doing too much around the house...” He rambled as he sank down in the armchair opposite.

“He is going to worry himself into a heart attack soon,” I groaned. “The other day the baby had the hiccups, I thought James was going to have a stroke!” At this Richard laughed, then pulled a sympathetic face.

“Aaaw, poor man. But I can understand him, I remember how it was before my oldest was born, I was a constant ball of anxiety. And James is so much more of a worrier than me,” Richard mused.

“Exactly.”

“He was genuinely worried you wouldn't get your shoes on by yourself...” He said, trying to hide a chuckle.

“I can put my own shoes on!” I shouted, more frustrated with James than Richard. “Well, probably not if they have laces, actually...” I admitted, staring down at my enormous stomach.

“On a scale of one to ten, how fed up are you with being pregnant right now?” He asked knowingly.

“A hundred million!” I said matter of factly. “Part of me is very done with being pregnant by now. I am particularly tired of having this baby's arse wedged up against my ribs!” Feeling uncomfortable I nudged and pushed on the top of my bump, trying to get the baby to shift a little. Richard pulled a face.

“You know, I am very glad I won't ever have to be pregnant,” he confided.

“But then again, I don't mind if it stays in there for another month, I'm not sure I'm ready for it to come out just yet. Anyway, I was going to order pizza. Sound ok?” After having gotten our food we settled down for the first film. I kept squirming and shifting on the couch, unable to get comfortable, feeling a lot more smothered than usual. It was as if the baby had its arms and legs stretched out it front of it, pushing all it could. With a sigh I got out of the sofa. “Bathroom. Again. Be right back.” It took nearly 20 minutes before I returned to the living room.

“There you are! I was wondering if you'd fallen in!” Richard giggled.

“With this thing? Hardly likely,” I grumbled, gesturing to my waist. “Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a little favour...?” I asked, gingerly sitting down on the armrest of the sofa. Richard took his eyes off the film again, facing me.

“Sure, of course I will, love. Anything. What?”

“I was wondering if maybe you wouldn't mind driving me to the hospital in a bit..”

“The hospital?” He frowned. “Did they call? I thought you stopped working over a month ago? You can't work like that? You're not going to work, are you?”

“Nooo....” I said firmly, waiting for him to catch on.

“But then wh-- Oh... OH! No..?! No? Now?” His eyes widened

“Well, my water sort of broke. A bit. Ten minutes ago. So... Yes, I guess,” I shrugged apologetically.

“Wow. Bloody hell,” he mumbled, getting up and walking over to me, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You all right?”

“Don't look at me like that, if you do I am going to have a panic attack,” I said with a smile, needing to make a joke out of it for now. “Listen, I need to go pack... stuff...”

“Pack? You haven't packed yet?”

“No I haven't! I haven’t packed as much as a diaper! This baby wasn't supposed to come for another month, of course I haven't packed!”

“All right, all right,” he said soothingly, trying to calm me down. “Need some help?”

“Um no, I... I need you to call James. Could you do that? I don't know if I could deal with that right now.”

“Okay, I'll do that, you go pack.”

As Emily waddled off to pack Richard watched her, shaking his head slightly. His heart rate had gone up a little, but nowhere near as badly as it had been when his own children had been about to be born. Maybe that was why he wasn't panicking this time, he had done this before, he felt he was a little experienced. Pulling out his phone he scrolled through his contact list and found James' number. This wasn't a phone call he looked forward to making, he knew that these news would completely unbalance James. It rang for a long time, and Richard had just been about to give up when James picked up. There was a lot of background noise on the other end, chattering and laughter and music.

“Hello, Hamster! Whats up?” James answered. Richard felt how his heart sank.

“Oooh god, you're drunk, aren't you?” He said in a resigned voice.

“No, no, just a bit... inebriated. 'mfine. Are you with Emily?”

“Yes, that was why I was calling...-” Richard began.

“Oh god, is she okay?”

“Yeah yeah, she's fine, James, but... Her water just broke. You better come home, mate.”

“WHAT?!”James shouted shrilly.

“James, mate, listen to me, don't panic! Just.. focus on try and finding a way to get home. Quickly. Okay?”

“But... the due date is a month away!” James protested.

“It seems neither you nor Emily have picked up on the fact that babies don't care about due-dates. When they want out, they come out, thats just the way it is,” Richard said sagely.

“But.. I'm too drunk for this!” James complained.

“I know that!” Richard replied, unable to stop himself from laughing. “Just get to London, one way or another, okay? I'll call you later, keep you updated.”

“Say hi to Emily, yeah? Tell her I'll be home as soon as I can.”

“Emily? You okay? I talked to James, he'll try to find a way to get home as soon as he can. He says hi...” Richard spoke loudly as he walked through the house looking for me. He found me sitting on the edge of the bed with an open bag next to me, clutching a pair of jogging bottoms. “Emily?”

“Yeah? Oh, good. Thanks,” I mumbled.

“Done packing?”

“No... I... I know I printed out a list once, things to bring to the hospital, but I can't find it,” I complained, looking up at Richard with despair in my eyes. “We are the worst prepared parents in the universe! I haven't packed a bag, I don't even have a list of what to pack, and the dad is in another country!”

“Oh quit your wailing, I'll help you pack,” Richard said calmly, refusing to give my rising level of panic any attention. Sitting on my bed he calmly commanded me around, reminding me to pack things like comfy clothes, chargers, slippers, my camera and toiletries. When he mentioned nursing bras and pads I broke out laughing at the absurdity of it. “What? I've done this twice!” He argued. “Well, technically I haven't, but I helped. Sort of.” My laughter got stuck in my throat when the first contraction hit. I didn't say anything, I just screwed up my face and held my breath until it was over. “Don't forget to breathe through those or you'll pass out,” Richard observed, annoyingly calm as ever.

Locking the door behind me I eyed Richards car.

“Oh god, couldn't it have been a Land Rover,” I sighed, staring at the Porsche in the driveway.

“Whats wrong with it?”

“I'm the size of a hippo, Hammond. You might have to strap me to the roof.” Richard laughed loudly as he opened the car door for me. With difficulty, and rather ungracefully, I managed to fold myself into the front seat while Richard headed for the driver's side. He banged the door shut, put on his belt then looked me up and down.

“Ready to go?” He asked. He looked a little tense and worried.

“No. But I guess I have to. And relax, I won't ruin your seat,” I added.

“My seat..?” He frowned, looked down at the seat and up again.

“I am wearing one of my child's diapers, if you must know!”

“I didn't want to know that, no...” Richard mumbled, shaking his head.

“Just.. go...” I squeaked.  

Chapter 66

A few days later I was suddenly on a plane to Hawaii. We enjoyed our time to the fullest, savoring what we both knew would probably be our last trip together before we became parents. We didn't necessarily make the most out of each and every day, but we made the most out of the time we had with each other. Some days we went on outings to see things, and some days we did absolutely nothing. Our activities were also naturally limited by the fact that I was nearly five months pregnant. Naturally it meant no alcohol and being careful with what I ate, but it also meant no diving, no jetskis or long hikes, suddenly I felt the need to never be more than five minutes from a bathroom as I was peeing constantly. Even so I relished every minute of our time together, knowing that when we got back, our lives would change so drastically.

Returning to London, James and I had a rare moment of mutual panic as we realised we had no idea how to furnish our house. We agreed that we were going to bring a lot of the “old” furniture from the house in Hammersmith with us, as none of us were fans of throwing things out that were in perfectly good nick just because we were moving. But we realised we would need a lot more furniture, and we didn't even know where to begin planning or looking for things. In the end I rang up Mindy, knowing that they had moved several times and into huge estates. She quickly calmed me down, saying she would put us in contact with a great decorator who had helped her several times and could help sort out everything we needed. James promptly decided to leave the whole operation to me, promising that as long as I picked out the furniture we needed, he'd carry it to wherever it was supposed to go. Coming into contact with the decorator, she immediately agreed to help us. Our first task was to go over to the new house and go through it room by room, trying to think of what we would need in each one, and what we were bringing with us from the old house, basically to comprise a shopping list. Going to the house again I felt excited, my heart beating hard in my chest. Walking through it again, everything looked a little different now that I knew it was ours. James had already done quite a bit of thinking, and taking my hand he pulled me towards a door.
“This is the biggest bedroom, and has its own bathroom, so I thought this could be ours, “he said, opening the door to a huge, empty room to the back of the house with a good view of the back garden. I barely had time to look at it before he closed the door again and eagerly pulled me to another door. “And I thought this... maybe... could be the baby’s' room”. He opened the door to a bedroom that was empty apart from one piece of furniture standing along a wall: a baby crib. It was beautifully made out of what looked like solid wood, painted white. Over it was a mobile with little cars and planes dangling from it.
“Aaaaaw..” I breathed, stepping into the room to take a closer look. “You already got us a crib? This is... beautiful, James... ” Walking over to it I ran my hand along the top rail. It already had a mattress and a "bumper" along the inner edges of the crib, there to protect the baby if it flailed and banged itself on the rails. The bumper was in an adorable pattern with flowers and owls. The crib was perfect, just waiting for a baby. James lingered by the doorway, both hands in his pockets, looking a little nervous and even embarrassed.
“I... It's actually made out of my old crib, my mum had it in the attic. Simmy helped me draw out some plans to rebuilt it a little, and helped me...” James mumbled.
“Wait a minute, you built this? Out of your old crib?” I felt my mouth fall open.
“Um, yeah.... As I said, with a little help,” James mumbled. He pulled his hands out of his pockets and walked over to me. “The bottom is adjustable, it can be lowered as the baby grows. This way it'll be easier to pick it up when it's still, you know... tiny.” James explained.
"Wow... I just... I'm stunned... I cant' believe you did this," I squeaked, fighting the tears. “When did you have time to do all this? It must have taken ages!”
“Oh, a few hours here, a few hours there, a few white lies...” James admitted. “I literally had to smuggle the thing out of my parents house when they weren't looking. And since I recruited Simmy to help me out I had to tell him quite a while ago, so he knew... Sorry...”
“No, no, it's okay, I just... I'm stunned,” I muttered, resting my cheek against his chest while staring lovingly at crib.
“I know just buying one would've been easier, and less time-consuming, but... I don't know, maybe I'm just very old-fashioned. I just liked the idea of building it myself.”
“It's very romantic, and adorable. But in a very manly way,” I added. I studied the mobile, and on closer inspection it looked like the little cars and planes were cut out of wood and sanded down before they had been painted by hand.
“You made these too, didn't you?” I asked with a little smile, gently prodding a little aeroplane to make it spin then looking up at him.
“Yeah. Well, I had a go at least...” He muttered, squirming a little now. “It's not very gender neutral perhaps..”
“Screw gender neutral, I love this! They're colourful and bright and absolutely amazing. How many kids have dads that actually make them mobiles? And girls can love cars and aeroplanes too? I like cars?” I argued mildly, hugging him tighter. For a moment i just stood there, staring at the crib with my arms tightly wrapped around him.
"James?"
"Mm?"
"DId you actually go out and shop for a crib bumper?" I asked disbelievingly, pictures James utterly lost and confused in the depths of some childrens' store.
"Mno, I... Got my sister to come with me, I realised I needed some help. I didn't even know what a bumper was! I have a lot to learn..." He sighed.
"Don't worry, so far you are really aceing all this “becoming a father”-thing, you know?”
“I'm only doing it this once, so I'm trying to do the best I can...” He smiled, grateful for the appreciation I was giving him.
“You are doing great, sweetheart."

Just two weeks later we had come a long way with the house. A lot of the new furniture was in place, and we had started moving things from the old house and into the new one. Trying to be as helpful as I could, I put things into boxes and took them out again to put them in their new place, which was pretty much the only thing I could do. James was constantly fussing, worried I was doing too much, but I insisted that I wanted to help, I needed to help, I just couldn't sit on my hands and watch as the movers, or our friends and James worked around me. On a Friday I was busy in the kitchen, unpacking dishes, glasses and all kinds of kitchen equipment. James was out running some errands, and had been gone for a while. I had taken the little stereo with me from the old kitchen, and the music was on loudly. Over the past week I had become a lot less tired and increasingly filled with energy, and I was enjoying it to the fullest. I was happy, excited, in love, and that resulted in me dancing around the kitchen with 'Chrvches – Now is not the time” on full blast. The music masked the sounds of James coming home, and when I suddenly spotted him in the kitchen doorway I was too happy to even be embarrassed about my stupid dancing. James grinned, evidently amused by me jumping about like an idiot. Feeling euphoric I grabbed James by the hands and pulled him into the kitchen, waving his arms about, trying to get him to dance. He resisted initially, flinching and squirming, but the music drowned out his feeble protests. In the end he rolled his eyes and tried to dance along with the music. This instantly caused me to start laughing loudly, as I had never seen, and never thought I would see James loosen up enough to dance along to loud electro-pop. At least not sober. At this point we were both giggling. Suddenly I froze and lurched forwards, clutching my stomach. James also froze, his eyes widening with horror as he stared at me. He opened his mouth to ask something, then realised the music was too loud and ran over to turn the stereo off.
“What is it?” He asked as soon as the kitchen became quiet, worry etched in his voice.
“I.. don't know..” I said slowly. The feeling had gone as quickly as it had come, and now I straightened up again, thinking it was over. As soon as I had, the feeling came back, not exactly painful, but sudden and a little uncomfortable, like a quick jab to the stomach. I bent over again, placing a palm over the place where I had felt it. “Ow!”
“What? What is it? Does it hurt? What’s wrong?!” James was panicking now, rushing over to me, nearly shaking me by the shoulders. I was silent, standing dead still, waiting on bated breath for it to happen again. And sure enough, within a few seconds there was another jab. Holding my palm against the part of my stomach where I had felt it, I could also feel the jab on the outside this time. And then it clicked, and I knew what was going on. All my terror drained away, replaced by relief and excitement.
“I think... it just kicked,” I said quietly, a smile spreading on my face.
“Kicked?!” James was so worried he didn't even understand what I meant at first. “Wait... Kicked? The baby you mean?”
“No, my spleen!” I shouted at him. “Of course the baby! Here!” I grabbed his hand and replaced my palm with his, waiting for another. James' mouth was open as he stared unblinkingly at his hand, waiting. When the baby kicked again James nearly jumped.
“Yes! I felt that!” He exclaimed in that high-pitched way he sometimes did when he god really excited. His palm still on my tummy the baby kicked again, to James' great delight.  “Come here,” he said and grabbed me eagerly by the hand, dragging me through the house to the sofa in the living room. As soon as I sat down he placed his palm on my stomach again, hoping to feel more movement. It was as if the baby had suddenly figured out that this was something it could do, it could kick and punch wildly around, and now it just wouldn't stop. “Maybe the baby is trying to say that you should relax for a bit and stop working?” He admonished.
“Or maybe it just thought it was really fun when mummy was bouncing around in the kitchen?” I suggested, smiling innocently at him.
“Maybe,” he agreed with a smile. “Anyway, I wanted to talk to you. I went and got the papers for the house, you need to sign a few x'es.” He took a stack of papers out of an envelope.
“I do? Why?” I frowned.
“Didn't I say that this house should be in both our names?”
“Yes, but...” I mumbled.
“And for that, you'll need to sign these too,” he said flatly, handing the papers to me along with a pen.
“I... Okay,” I said feebly. Part of me didn't want to argue with him because I didn't want to hurt him or make him believe that I didn't want it, but another part of me couldn't stop thinking that this was insane. James had never told me what he paid for the house, and I knew much too little about real estate to even have a guess. But I knew enough about house prices in London to know that it was a lot. And he was practically giving me half. Deciding that there was no point in thinking about it any more I signed my name quickly on the dotted lines and gave the papers back to James, who stuffed them unceremoniously back into the envelope. Resting back against the sofa I stared at James unblinkingly. After a while he noticed my eyes burning a hole through him.
“... What?” He raised an eyebrow. I paused for a moment, trying to think of what to say.
“I just find it amazing how much you've changed in your life... Just for me.”
“Changed?”
“I mean... You let me live with you, you bought this huge house for us to live in.. We're having a baby, James! These are all huge bloody changes, and all of it just because of me, to... fit me into your life,” I shrugged.
“You've made just as many changes in your life as I have?” He argued mildly. At this I just frowned, trying to think what changes I had made. “Probably more! You never meant to live and work in London permanently, did you? But you stayed, you moved in with me, and not once did you even mention the possibility that we would live anywhere else, even though staying here meant moving away from your family. And you could've taken that job and gone back to Africa, but you chose not to, because you said you wanted to stay with me. And I know that was a huge dream of yours. Those are pretty big changes, too? You moved to a different country. I'm just moving to a new house,” he shrugged.
“But those were never... Changes. They weren't decisions I consciously made, so much as just...they were the only decisions I could make, because all the other decisions were wrong.”
“See? That's how I feel about it, too! Yes, of course my life has changed, I'm not a pathetic old bachelor nearly in my fifties living alone with my cat any more. And that has to be entirely a good thing. You talk about changes like they're purely negative, but they don't have to be? You have completely changed my life, but only for the better.”
“I just... hope you won't regret everything some day and want your old life back...” I fiddled with my hands in my lap, feeling insecure.
“Emily, don't be ridiculous.” I felt James' arm wrap around my shoulder, squeezing me. “I love this house. I love this baby. I love you. And I love living my life with you.” I leaned into him, sighing a little.
“Will you please remember that when this baby throws up on you at 4am?” I begged.
“I will try my best," he promised. "But, Emily... I don't have some rosy-red mental image of a perfect family life where everything is cuddles and fun. Its going to be a bigger change than either of us can imagine. We'll be tired, we'll be frustrated and exhausted, and I'll probably ask myself more than once where I went wrong with my life. And you probably will too.”
“Yeah, I know...” I admitted with a sad little smile.
“But we're both prepared for that, at least as much as we can be.”
“Even for toys lying scattered ALL OVER the house? And dried porridge on the kitchen table?”
“... I'm getting there,” James chuckled, and I joined him laughing. "I don't mean that I'm thinking it is going to be complete hell either. I'm looking forward to the cuddling," he added.
"How can you be so adorable?!" I squealed, wrapping my arms around him and peppering him with kisses. As I did there was another major lurch in my gut as the baby kicked again. "Oh!" Jesus, that is going to take some getting used to!"

 I research a lot of weird stuff for this fic - but c'mon, how ADORABLE is this crib bumper?)

Mucking about

Aaaaaaaaaages ago I hinted that I might do a one-off with Richard some day. That day has arrived! :O

Returning to the house we entered through a sidedoor, coming into what looked like the biggest laundry room I had ever seen.

«This room is handy for whenever any of us or the dogs are... well, as mucky as we look now. Tiled, heated floor, easy to clean and we can just throw everything right into the washing machine. Well, apart from the dogs,» Richard explained. I got out of my mucky wellies and looked down myself, pulling a face. «Just... get out of your wet clothes and leave them here, I'll throw them in the washer later. I can go outside while you.. » he began, gesturing to the door, trying to be a gentleman.

«It's just legs, Richard, you've seen legs before,» I scoffed as I got out of my jacket, then my sodden trousers and socks.

«They're... very good legs,» he observed as he got out of his own mucky clothes, leaving just his t-shirt and boxers on.

«I haven't wanted a shower this badly since when I was in Syria and we had no water for a week!» I said as I padded barefoot through the kitchen, heading for the guest-bathroom upstairs in just my knickers and a top. Richard followed close behind.

«Emily...» Richards hand closed around my wrist, pulling me backwards. Suddenly I was pinned up against the wall, and Richard's hands were on either side of my face, his lips on mine, kissing me passionately. The shock of it paralysed me, making me unable to stop him or push him away. To my horror I realised I was even kissing him back.

«What are you doing?» I huffed between kisses. His kisses were playful and full of lust. Still holding my head in his hands Richard pulled back an inch.

«Kissing you,» he said breathlessly. «I have to know what it's like, I've been driving myself mad, wondering.» Before I had time to process what he had said, let alone think of a response, his lips were on mine again. I huffed against his mouth, not knowing what to do with my own hands. This was all kinds of wrong, yet part of me didn't want to stop.

«Richard, we can't...» I said, hearing the feebleness in my own voice. Richard ignored my lame protests, moving his kisses over my jaw and neck.

«Tell me 'no' and I'll stop...» he challenged, breathing against my skin. Surprised I realised my hand was tangled in his short hair and my other arm was wrapped around his waist.

«You're married, you have kids... » My arguments fell on deaf ears as Richard continued to kiss and lick the side of my neck. His hands, which had been on the walls either side of me, pinning me to the spot, now travelled down my sides and over my hips. I shuddered as I felt his fingertips reach the top of my bare thighs. God damn it, why was this so hard to put an end to? I was fighting an all out war with myself. Richards body pressed against mine, his lips, his hands on me, all of it had ignited that overwhelming arousal and excitement in me that was so easy to awaken these days. It was muddling my brain, making me weak. I wanted him, I was curious as to what it would be like. «Richard, stop... This is wrong...» His mouth travelled up my neck again, grazing that sensitive spot that caused me to shudder and give an involuntary wince.

«You're still not telling me no...» he observed, then found my mouth again. His tongue grazed by bottom lip, and as if I was standing next to myself with no real control I watched as I opened my mouth to him, running my tongue against his. Richards palms were rubbing my hips firmly, and I wished that he'd slip them inside my knickers, that he would touch my skin, I wanted his palms on me. Fumbling with his t-shirt I slipped my hand underneath it, caressing the warm skin on his lower back. Richard pushed harder up against me, pressing his body against mine, and I huffed and kissed him deeper. Giving me one last kiss, Richard broke away from me, his hair on end and his chest heaving. Hooking two fingers inside the lining of my knickers, he took a few steps backwards, pulling me with him, his eyes full of lust and mischief. I followed him will-lessly as Richard grabbed my hand and tugged me upstairs. Reaching the bedroom I threw myself over him again, kissing him furiously, all pretence forgotten now. Eagerly I took hold of the hem of his t-shirt, wanting to tear it off. «Whoa whoa, wait...» Richard huffed, and for one heart-stopping moment I thought he was backing out. Relief flooded over me when he grabbed hold of me and fell backwards onto the bed, taking me with him in the fall, and I let out a relieved giggle. We rolled around on the bed until Richard came to rest on top of me, and when he pulled back he studied me carefully. «If I'm going to have you only this once... I'm going to take my time with you... And have you properly,» he whispered, then leaned down to kiss the side of my neck. His quiet, determined words along with his kiss sent shivers through my entire body. I winced and sighed as he hit that sensitive spot again, and buried my fingers in his short, thick hair. His kisses were slower, more considerate, taking care in being as sensual and tender as possible. His slower pace had calmed me down too, we were both taking our time now, exploring each others' mouths. He ran his hand slowly down the side of my body, from my neck over my shoulder and down my side. I bent my leg at the knee and his hand kept travelling over my hips and down my bare thigh before making its way back up again. I hummed at his touch, having completely given over to the need for bodily pleasure and closeness. Richard's lips disappeared, and opening my eyes I saw him sit up on his knees. Reaching out for my hands he pulled me up into a sitting position. Staring into my eyes all the while he slowly pulled my top up and over my head, dropping it absent-mindedly off the side of the bed. Suddenly a wave of shyness came over me as I sat there in my bra and knickers, I felt exposed and insecure about myself. Richard was observant and noticed the change in me, how I blushed faintly and shyly averted my eyes, hiding away from his intense gaze. A hand on the side of my face made me look up. He smiled as my eyes met his. “You are so... breathtakingly beautiful,” he whispered reassuringly, lifting my chin to meet him as he leaned down to kiss me slowly. His words comforted me me, made me feel safe, and his kiss made me forget everything but the sensation of his lips against mine, his hands on my thighs. This time when I tried to take his t-shirt off there came no protest from Richard. We had to break our kiss as I pulled it over his head and dropped it on top of my own shirt on the floor. His big, brown eyes glittered as they peered at me from behind strands of stray hair. I took his face in my hands and pulled him in for more kisses, then I sank backwards onto the bed again. Richard followed willingly, coming to rest on top of me again. As his bare, hot skin hit mine the breath hitched in my throat, the contact felt electric. Frantically I ran my hands over his arms and back, needing to feel his skin under my palms. This was quickly turning out to a make out marathon, and we nibbled and teased at each others lips, sometimes giggling and sometimes humming with pleasure. Slipping his arms underneath my body he took hold of me and rolled over onto his back. I giggled as he flipped me over and I came to rest against him. Being on top, feeling more in control, made me a little braver. Realising there was so much more to kiss other than his lips, I leaned in and placed my lips against the side of his neck, kissing his skin slowly and sensually. Richard hummed as I tasted his skin by running my tongue over it. Sliding down the bed a few inches I moved my mouth to his shoulder and chest, nipping playfully at every patch of skin I came across. Richard's palm ran down my back, over my hips and thighs, and I felt him squirming underneath me, pressing his body up against mine. As his hands trailed back up over my hips and back they stopped at the closure of my bra, attempting to open it. After several long, silent seconds of desperate fumbling Richard growled and swore under his breath. I giggled against his chest and raised myself up on my arms, looking down at him.

“Would sir like some help? Illustrated handbook, perhaps? Scissors? How-to-video?” I giggled.

“Emily, if you don't help me with this I will gnaw it off!” He threatened testily.

“Aha, I can see why they call you 'Hamster', now...” I teased and nipped playfully at his bottom lip.

“...Please?” He squeaked weakly, staring pleadingly up at me with huge, brown, puppy-dog eyes. With a little smirk I sat up straight, straddling him.

“Here..” I said helpfully, reaching around to the hook of my bra and undoing it easily. Richard's hands were on my hips and he stared at me unblinkingly as he watched the bra-straps slowly sliding down my arms. Once it was off I tossed the bra to the side with a nervous little shrug. Richard drew a sharp intake of breath and his mouth fell open a little.

“Oh dear god...” he squeaked. He took another moment to stare unblinkingly at me before he sat up. Wrapping his arms around my back he leaned in to kiss the skin on my chest and between my breasts, and I welcomed him by burying my fingers in his hair again and kissing his forehead. Holding me tenderly he laid me down on my back and came to rest next to me. Supporting himself on one elbow he looked down at me, taking in my face and my almost naked body with a small smile. He touched the side of my neck and ran his fingertips down over my chest, brushing over a breast lightly.

“You are... everything I ever dreamt about,” he sighed before leaning down to kiss the other side of my neck. “And so much more.” The sensation of his chest against my now naked breasts and erect nipples made my skin erupt with goosebumps.

“You've... dreamt about me?” I breathed as Richard's mouth moved over my collarbone and chest, hearing the incredulity in my own voice.

“Yes, I have...” he whispered against my skin. “I've thought about you, fantasized, day-dreamed... Wondered what it would be like to kiss you, how your body would feel against mine... How you looked without your clothes on...” He punctuated every word, every sentence with a kiss, his mouth coming ever closer to my breast. “How it would feel to have your nipple in my mouth.” As he said this he closed his mouth around a hard, sensitive nipple and I instinctively arched my back and winced at the amazing sensation. He ran his tongue over my nipple then around it in circles. He hummed and moved his mouth to the other breast, giving it the same treatment. A faint 'oh god...' escaped me as I felt his tongue on my nipple again, and I dragged my fingertips down his back. His mouth let go of my nipple and he raised himself on his arms, looking down at me. His hard cock was pressing against my mound as he rested his weight against me. “I've fantasized about what you would taste like. How it would be like to be inside you, and what you sound like when you come...” he whispered, staring into my eyes. The things he said made my body flush hot, my chest was heaving and every part of me was tingling. Staring back into his eyes I ran my hands down his back again and slipped them into the back of his boxers. I ran my fingertips over his bum, light as feathers, before cupping it and squeezing, then letting go just to knead it hard with flat palms, pushing my hips up against him at the same time. Richard leaned down, his lips hovering over mine.

“Mmh, I like that...” he said in a low, sexy whisper before taking my lips in a rough, needy kiss. His slow pace and gentle consideration was gone, it had been replaced with raw and frantic passion. I took hold of his bum again, pressing him against me as I pushed up against him once more, needing to feel more of him. He huffed as he felt me press up against him, out of pleasure or frustration I didn't quite know. Richard's mouth disappeared and I felt his body weight shift on top of me. Opening my eyes I watched as he inched down my body, nuzzling and kissing his way down my chest and stomach. Instantly I missed his weight and the warmth of his skin on mine. As he reached my knickers he kissed me through the fabric, brushing his nose against them, ever lower, edging closer to the wet patch. I felt his breath through the fabric, his fingertips as they were brushing lightly over the insides of my thighs, right up to my panties and down again. Taking the fabric between his teeth he tugged at it playfully and let go, making them snap back.

“Are you going to gnaw those off too unless I help you?” I giggled, running my fingers through his hair. He chuckled quietly then looked up at me from between my legs with a boyish grin, his hair on end.

“Mmno, but I am going to take them off,” he said, slipping his hands up to my hips and yanking them downwards. I raised my bum off the mattress a little to help him, watching him transfixed as he sat up and slid my knickers down my legs and off. Sitting on his knees by my feet he studied me intently, drinking me in, before resolutely taking hold of my ankles and parting my legs a little, making room for himself. Sinking back down on the mattress he began kissing my thigh, caressing the other with his hands. My heart-rate, my sense of frustration and expectation rose with every inch Richard moved upwards. I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled at it a little, squirming under his mouth and his hands.

“You are being... infuriatingly slow at the moment, Hamster...” I growled.

“Tsk tsk tsk... such impatience,” he tutted. Just as I was about to open my mouth and argue back he swooped down and placed his mouth on my pussy, his wet tongue slipping in between my labia. My breath caught in my throat and all that escaped me was a high-pitched wince. I grabbed a handful of his hair and pushed my hips up against his mouth as his tongue played with my clit. His hands slid up to my hips and he pinned me down, restricting my movements. Just as I dug the back of my head into the pillow, focusing on the mounting pleasure between my legs, his mouth disappeared. He inched his way up the bed, nipping at my skin with his lips on the way up until his mouth found mine.

“You're just a big tease, aren't you?” I huffed, smiling a little against his mouth, tasting traces on myself on his lips.

“I'm pacing myself...” he said as he pulled back a little. “I've wanted you for so bloody long.”

“I've wanted you too...” I breathed, admitting it to myself as well as to him for the first time. Richard smiled at this and leaned in to kiss me, rolling over onto his side without letting my mouth go. Kissing him back passionately I traced my palm over his chest and stomach and over the front of his boxers, brushing over the erection underneath the fabric. But my hand didn't stop, it brushed past and reached the inside of his thigh where I let my fingertips slip lightly over his skin, feather-light and teasing. Richard let out a frustrated huff at my slow teasing and pulled out of the kiss, but he didn't say anything. He just watched me through the semi-darkness, his eyes glittering as he looked into mine, anticipation and arousal written in his face. Knowing how badly Richard wanted me, how he'd fantasized and dreamed about me, gave me a sense of power I hadn't felt before, it gave me confidence and courage. I had the upper hand, I could control this. Still brushing my fingertips over his inner thigh, right below his boxers, I could tell that Richard was almost holding his breath, waiting for my next move. “Do you want me to touch you?” I challenged quietly, biting back a smirk. He swallowed hard and nodded his head, but no sound came out. “Come again? I didn't quite catch that...” He nodded again, and only a faint squeak escaped him;

“Yes...”

“Yes?” I raised an eyebrow at him, and he nodded again.

“Please...” He added when my fingertips were still lingering by his thigh, as if some politeness would get things moving quicker.

“Oh, you want me to touch you now?” I asked, pretending to just have come to the realisation.
“For gods sake, yes!” Richard huffed, but smiling despite himself.

“Oh. Okay, then...” I whispered, then leaned in to take his bottom lip between mine. At the same time I slid my palm over the front of his boxers again, brushing harder up against his erection this time. Reaching the waistband I slipped my hand inside, running my fingers through his pubic hair and over his cock. I felt it twitch under my hand, and I noticed how Richard had tensed up, waiting on bated breath. The relieved moan that escaped him when I finally closed my palm around his cock was louder than I had expected, more intense. I kept my hand there for a while, sensing how he he was throbbing in my palm and how Richard was holding his breath again. Just as I had been about to move my palm to slowly begin pumping him, I started talking. “You know, this thing is in my way,” I said, let go and retracted my hand, referring to his boxers. I know I was really pushing Richard to the limit now, and just as expected he exploded.

“OH FOR GODS SAKE!” He shouted loudly as he flailed on the bed, tearing his boxers off. He threw them as far as he could get them, then turned to face me. When he saw my smug, victorious look, his own expression softened and he smiled cheekily. “You're loving this, aren't you?” He asked in a low voice as he pulled me close again and nipped at my bottom lip.

“Teasing you? Of course I do, this is fun,” I giggled, nipping back. I sneaked a leg in between his, shivering with pleasure as I felt his naked body completely against my own. “Most of all I just really, really needed you naked,” I breathed, hovering over his mouth. Richard closed the final gap between us, taking my lips in a unhurried, but passionate kiss. His palm slid from my lower back, over my bum and hip before making its way upwards. Fingertips slid slowly over my side, the sensation teetered dangerously on the verge of tickling, but I was too turned on to notice. When his hand reached my breast he cupped it. It fit perfectly, as if it had been made for his hands alone. He kneaded it gently, and in response my nipple sprang to life, eager to be touched, and as if Richard knew he rubbed his thumb over it, making me wince against him. Untangling my fingers from his hair I slid my palm down the side of his neck, over his chest and stomach. This time I had no boxers in my way, and I let the hand continue its travel until it found his warmth. Not having any desire to tease him much more, I closed my palm around his cock and slowly began pumping him.

“Oh god, Emily, yes...!” He winced. I felt him twitch in my hand and how he leaked into my palm, making my palm and himself wet. His hand kneaded my breast harder, every now and again rolling and pinching my almost painfully erect nipple between two fingers. The sensation shot through my body from my nipple to my clit, which was throbbing. The anticipation was driving me mad, and Richard's huffs and moans of pleasure was torture.

“Richard, if you don't touch me soon, I'm going to let go of you and start touching myself,” I growled quietly between kisses. This warning made him quickly let go of my breast and his hand swooped down between my legs as he was all too eager for me not to let go of him again. At first he just rubbed his palm against my pussy, it felt almost cold against the intense heat emanating from my skin. Knowing he shouldn't tease me much he slipped his fingers in between my lips and found a clit that was nearly as hard as my nipple had been. I shuddered and moaned as I finally felt his fingertip rub against me, offering some pleasurable relief. As our hands worked on each other, our mouths caressed any part of the other it could reach. In that blissful moment I was reduced to nothing but what I could perceive with my senses. All stressful thoughts and all self-consciousness was blown out of my mind. Nothing else existed but his body lying close to mine, his warm skin against me; his breath against my jawbone or my lips and the sounds coming from him voicing his pleasure; the smell of him as I buried my face against his neck; my hand around his cock and his hand on my clit. “Come here,” I breathed as I rolled onto my back. When Richard came to rest on top of me, his weight and warmth against me, his hard cock trapped between is, my body erupted into goosebumps one again. Richard was breathing heavily, leaning on his arms as he looked down at me. We said nothing, just smiled at each other as we saw the want and lust and each others faces. I tangled my fingers in his hair and pulled his head down to mine, missing his lips. He kissed me deeply, his tongue slipping against my own. At the same time he moved his hips, his hard cock grinding perfectly against my clit. Groaning into his mouth I dug my fingers into his bum, raising my hips to meet him. I could feel how his cock became more and more wet as it slipped against me. Every nerve in me wanted him to just push himself into me, I needed him inside me or I'd go mad. I felt Richard's weight shift on top of me, but instead of pushing his hips to enter me, he inched his way down my body a little, his mouth travelling over my neck and chest. “God, Richard...!” I huffed frustratedly, tugging a little at his hair again.

“I said I was going to take my time with you,” he said determinedly, staring hard into my eyes as he sank ever lower on the bed. Coming to rest between my legs again he ran a palm slowly over my stomach, then just a fingertip. It brushed lightly over my skin, making a few circles around my bellybutton before swooping downwards, trailing over my mound. I winched and closed my eyes as his fingertip brushed across my over-sensitive clit, just once. I writhed in frustration, and then gasped with delighted surprise when I felt a finger slide inside me, then another one.

“Oh, fuck, Richard...!” I felt myself clench hard around his fingers and I grabbed handfuls of bedsheets. His fingers moved slowly in and out of me, and I spread my legs even more, wanting to feel his fingers deeper inside me. I rocked my hips to meet his hand which was now completely wet, I had never been more wet in my entire life. I sensed his breath against my mound, then his lips as he kissed my skin. He ran a tongue over my skin until he found my clit. I tried my best to lie still as his tongue lapped at my clit and his fingers worked inside me.

“You taste so.. bloody amazing...” he hummed against my pussy. I could do nothing but writhe underneath him, tossing my head from side to side, the gift of speech completely beyond me. Without warning his fingers slid out of me, and he slowed the pace of his tongue on me, reducing everything to a slow tease. I realised I had reached my limit and my patience was gone.

“Fucks sake. Richard, enough,” I growled. Grabbing him by the shoulders I hoisted him upwards on the bed as best as I could, then pushed him over on his back, immediately throwing a leg over and straddling him. He was panting hard, looking at me with wide-eyed surprise. “I need you, Richard, I need you inside me.” As I spoke I shoved a hand between us and found his cock, guiding him inside me. “I need you to fuck me. Now.” With a loud groan I sank down on him, letting him fill me up entirely. Richard's hands found my bum and he raised his hips up towards me, trying to push himself even deeper into me. For the tiniest of moments we managed to look into each others eyes, chests heaving and cheeks flushing. Then we lost all inhibition, threw every last iota of restraint overboard as we began working against each other furiously. Supporting myself with an arm each side of his head I thrust down on him feverishly. We tried kissing, but we just ended up banging our lips together and we gave up, too busy with heaving for air and voicing our ecstasy.

“Emily... Faster!... Fuck!” Richard huffed, digging his fingers into my hips. I wanted nothing more than to fulfil his wish, but the air was stinging in my chest and I could hardly move any faster. Changing the angle slightly I supported myself on his shoulders instead, which enabled me to move faster and harder against him. Richard slammed his hips up against me as hard as he could, he sound of flesh on flesh ringing in my ears. My breasts bounced up and down in time with our thrusts, so hard it was almost painful, but it just added to the sweet torture. I felt like I had been on the brink of orgasm for half an eternity, it was painful and delightful all at once. Suddenly I felt something change.

“Holy shit, I'm coming...!” I exclaimed in a voice that grew increasingly high in pitch. As the orgasm drew nearer I instinctively sat up, almost bouncing on Richard, anything to drive him deeper into me. Grabbing my own breasts I kneaded them hard. When the orgasm exploded within me I lost the ability to determinedly ride him like I had been. My body took over and I thrust my hips erratically down on him. Through my own bliss I vaguely heard Richard swear loudly and felt how he slammed his hips hard up against me three or four times before seizing up, his cock deep inside me.

“Oh my gooooooood,” he groaned as he emptied himself inside me, his fingertips digging hard into my sides. I twitched a few more times before slumping down over Richard again. I held my weight off him with my arms so he could get his breath back. Resting my forehead against his I felt that he was just as sweaty as me. The rush of the massive release I had just had, along with the effort of having kept my weight off Richard made my arms wobble dangerously and I rested down against him, burying my face against his neck. His arms closed around me, his palms running down my clammy back. “Bloody hell...” Richards voice muttered weakly, and I felt his lips press against my forehead for a moment.

“Hmm?” I mumbled, too blissful to utter a word.

“You and I need to get mucky together more often.”