Chapter 25

I woke up pretty much in the same position I had fallen asleep. For a while I did nothing, just let the heavy sensation of sleep slowly recede from my mind and my body while I silently looked at James. He was sleeping heavily, mouth slightly open as usual, hair a little on end. While I watched him I couldn't help but smile to myself, feeling happy. Usually mornings and happiness didn't go together in my world, but now it was washing over me, filling all of me with warmth and love. Nothing was on my mind except James and how he made me feel, and I wanted to stay there in that sleepy little moment of perfection, forever. Eventually I pried myself away from him gently, resisting the urge to kiss him. He stirred a little, but didn't wake and I tucked the duvet carefully around him to make up for the loss of my warmth. Quietly I padded into the bathroom and took a quick shower, feeling a little greasy from all the massage oil. Having showered and put on some comfy clothes I went downstairs and started on the breakfast I had promised him, still grinning to myself without even being aware of it.

When I returned to the bedroom half an hour later James was still dead to the world, now lying on his side. I suspected he might have a lot of sleep to catch up on. I laid down next to him and cupped his face, gently kissing him awake. He sighed heavily and made a face initially, but then he hummed a little and returned the kiss.

"James... Hate to wake you up, but it's almost 11," I whispered to him. He raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Really?" He opened his eyes and squinted at the sunlight, his eyes crinkling and I giggled at his sleepy face.

"I made breakfast. Want breakfast in bed or do you want to come downstairs?" He sighed happily and gave me a lazy, warm kiss.

"I'll come downstairs, just give me.. a minute." He shut his eyes again. I crawled out of bed and waited. After a while I tugged the duvet off him without warning and he squawked loudly in protest at the sudden cold.

"You utter pirate!" He complained.

"Sweetie, you were falling asleep again!" I argued and tossed his boxers at him. "Come on, breakfast is getting cold."

"...militant nurse. Why did I have to pick a militant nurse..." I heard him grumble to himself as I left the room and I chuckled a little at the reference. A few minutes later he joined me downstairs, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt, bleary-eyed and with a little stubble. I had made bacon and eggs, French Toast and tea. Heavy, sleepy arms wrapped around my from behind as I was arranging the food on a plate and he kissed the side of my neck and hugged me.

"You amazing woman," he mumbled against my neck.

"I thought I was a horrible, militant nurse? AND a pirate?" I smirked.

"Sometimes. That doesn't make you less amazing, though. The militant nurse is a bit of a turn on, really..." he admitted, trailing lazy kisses over my neck.

"I'll remember that," I chuckled. His kisses sent warm waves through my body, but I tore myself out of it and cleared my throat, knowing full well what I was turning down. "Go sit down, breakfast is ready". James did as I said, albeit a little unwillingly. For a while we ate in silence without even the usual radio banter as soundtrack because the stereo was upstairs. James was mostly focused on his food so I turned my attention to the Sunday Telegraph, but I wasn't really interested. "Have any plans today?" I asked as I folded the paper away.

"I was thinking maybe we could go over to your place, pick up your things?" He said absentmindedly, still focused on the food.

"So you still want me to stay with you?" I heard myself say, not really knowing why. At this James' eyes snapped up to me and he frowned.

"Of course I do. What, did you think I said that just to get into your knickers?" He said, only half-joking.

"I don't know, I... We had a bit to drink, and..." My voice trailed off, why was I saying these things? He put his fork down and nailed me to my chair with his eyes.

"I still meant what I said," he said simply.

"But are you sure about it, though? I mean, it's a big thing... You've lived here for years and I'd feel weird just... barging in here to live here. I'd be here all the time and you'd never get away from me."

"You're the one who sounds unsure about this, Emily," James said a little defensively. I sighed and rubbed my face, trying to figure out what it was I really wanted to say.

"I'm not. I just... need to know that you're not asking me to move in here just because you feel like you have to make up for things or that it's your fault I'm soon out of a flat. Or that you feel like you need to prove something to me, prove how you feel. It's a huge step and I wouldn't blame you or think you didn't want me if you wanted to wait a bit..." My voice trailed off again, I was just rambling now and I knew it. He got up, and for a mad second I thought he was going to walk out of the kitchen in anger. Instead he rounded the table and tugged me out of my chair, wrapped me up in his arms and hugged me tight.

"I'm not going to lie to you, I do feel like I have to make up for things, Emily, a lot of things. I was such an arse. But that isn't why I asked you to live here. I may have lived here for many years, but you... You changed this house. It doesn't feel like home anymore when you're not here. That is why I want you to live here. Plus, you make fantastic breakfasts. That's another reason." He added flippantly. In the silence that followed I was unable to say anything, I was desperately trying not to cry, I had done far enough of that lately. I just clung on to James, my face buried against his chest. "But do you want to live with me?" He asked mildly, pulling away slightly to could look at me. I saw the insecurity in his eyes, the fear of being rejected, the knowledge that if I did reject him there was no one he could blame but himself. Looking into his eyes I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"Yes." It was all I was able to say before I had to bury my face against his chest again, a little shameful for crying.

"Please tell me those are happy tears?" He said, leaning his chin on the top of my head, and I could hear the amused exasperation in his voice.

"Yes," I sniffed, still hiding from him. "I just had to make sure you're not going to regret it in a month or two and feel trapped and resent me for living here." Quickly I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hand before looking up at him. "I'd love to live here with you. Now that you've come back, I don't want to let you go ever again." He smiled, all though a little sadly and gave me a long, lingering kiss.

"Finish your breakfast. I'll go have a quick shower, then we'll go get your things," he said mildly.

"Okay," I smiled at him and kissed him again.

We headed over to my apartment in James' Fiat an hour later. I began packing the few things I still had left, mostly clothes and bed linen and things in the bathroom. James helped by packing all my kitchen things into cardboard boxes. My plan had been to give everything things to Oxfam before I left, and I realized I could keep to that plan as James had a kitchen full of stuff already. We emptied the fridge, taking some things but throwing most of it out. I had made a deal with my landlord to just leave the furniture behind, seeing as I wouldn't have been able to take it back to Norway anyway. Moving to James' meant I wouldn't have any use for them either. The landlord had even said he'd pay me a bit for them, having a furnished apartment to let out was always easier. With James' help I was finished packing in a few hours. We stuffed three cardboard boxes, a bin bag full of clothes and a huge suitcase into the tiny Panda, and went back upstairs to take one last look over the place.

"Won't you need to like... clean this place?" James pointed out as I went through the cupboards one last time, making sure they were empty.

"I decided to hire a cleaning company to do it, it wasn't as expensive as I thought. I've moved too many times in my life, I've cleaned too many places top to bottom."

"I approve of this decision," James nodded. Just as we got into the Fiat ready to go home James' phone rang. I could hear Richard's voice coming through on the other end. He suggested that he and Jeremy could come over tonight for some food and beer, seeing as they'd all be in London tonight due to having a Top Gear shoot in the morning.

"Um..." James looked over at me questioningly and I nodded my head eagerly. Of course they should come over, I hadn't seen Jeremy since that Christmas party and spending a night with all three of them would be fun. "Yeah sure, come on over."

"Good!" Richard sounded excited as always. "Is Emily going to be there?"

"Yeah, she is," James confirmed.

"Even better! She eats Chinese food, yeah?"

"Yes she does, just not anything too spicy, she's a weakling," he chortled. They agreed on showing up around seven, and hung up.

Back at James' house he asked me to make tea. Meanwhile he busied himself by carrying boxes and things from the Panda and into the house. Fusker meandered a bit between the car and the doorway, wondering what on earth his human was up to. I was quite happy to fall into traditional gender roles for a bit and let James do the heavy lifting, it wasn't that many boxes and things anyway. Eventually I heard the car door slam shut, then the front door and how James' kicked off his shoes. He joined me on the sofa and had a sip of his tea.

"I put the kitchen things in my garage, and the rest of it upstairs. I need to clear out some space in my closets for you later," he said matter of factly. "What?" He said when I chuckled a little.

"Nothing.. I realized I have to call my family and explain a few things. Tell them that I'm not moving home after all, for example," I mused, trying to get my head around the idea. «I haven't even thought about that until now.»

«I guess this all happened a little fast...» James said, looking a little insecure.

«Yeah, that's putting it mildly,» I smiled. «But considering the alternatives.. . I mean, I wasn't going to move back to Norway was I, not now. And staying in the apartment wasn't an option, it was already rented out to someone else. And I wouldn't have been able to find a new place to live in such a short time anyway...»

«So you moved in here because it was convenient?» James asked.

«No, you big woman,» I huffed, unable to hide an exasperated smile. «I moved in here because I can't imagine myself being anywhere else than here, with you.» At this James smiled widely. «I'm amazed at how... readily you just took me in, though,» I admitted.

«Well, like you said, now that I've got you back, I'm never letting you go,» he said. «I do have you back, don't I?» The insecurity and guilt crept back into his eyes and in a desperate attempt to get rid of it I answered him by pulling him in for a long, reassuring kiss. My emotions were in absolute uproar, and I was having a hard time ignoring it. This was what I had wanted all along, for James to return and take back everything he said, I had desperately hoped for everything to go back to the way they were. I knew James was still burdened with guilt and shame, I could see it in his eyes every now and then. And part of me needed to see it, needed to know that he felt bad for what had happened. Another part of me didn't want him to be sad, I couldn't bear the thought of it. He was doing everything he could to make things better; he'd apologized, he'd cried and begged, he'd told me of his fears and how much he loved me, and now he'd even asked me to move in with him. The fact that he had would make it harder for him to disappear again, which was a reassuring thought. But I couldn't quite shake the suspicion that this was too fast, that he'd regret it someday. The last six weeks my life had done complete u-turns several times, I had gone from happy and in love to a total wreck. Mentally I had been trying to prepare to leave London and James behind and to forget as much as I could about it. I had thought my life was going to be in Norway from now on, where I would live and work. And now - it had completely changed again. I had decided to stay, leaving James wasn't an option. I was living with him now, and needed to find a job again. I liked the prospect of a life in London, with James, a lot better than the life I could have had in Norway, but it was still a big change. Unable to make any sense of my thoughts and having so many contradicting thoughts in my head was chaotic, draining. But as I felt James' lips against mine the chaos quieted down and faded away until all that was left was my love for him. This was safe, this was familiar and comforting, which was what I needed. Slow, considered kisses turned playful and teasing, James nibbled my bottom lip and I expected a kiss but he hovered over my mouth, just out of reach with a playful smirk on his lips. He was up to something, I could see it in his eyes and it filled me with expectancy and excitement, not knowing what was going to happen next. I sat frozen, my eyes flitting between his eyes and his lips, waiting, breathing. Every now and then I tried to nip after his lip, growing impatient, but he pulled away. The anticipation building between us brought everything into sharp focus; his warm breath against my skin, the crinkles around his eyes, that dazzling shade of blue, his chest against mine, rising and falling in time with his breaths. It was almost like I could hear and feel his heartbeats through the silence. I realized I was holding my breath, and not being able to hold it anymore I drew a deep breath. James chose that moment to close the gap and kiss me sensually, almost taking my breath away. His mouth traveled from my mouth to my neck, not even kissing, he just brushed his lips over my skin, licking it every now and again. The sensation sent hot and cold shivers down my body and I lifted my head, exposing my neck to him, wanting more. As his mouth continued to travel towards my shoulder he sank down to his knees on the floor, parting my legs so he could stand between them. When his mouth reached the fabric of my shirt he stopped kissing and just nuzzled his face against my chest, I could feel his warm breath between my breasts through the shirt. He gently pushed me back on the sofa, making me lean back and relax. I immediately missed having my mouth on him, any part of him, but I let him continue, satisfied to just run my hands over his neck and his hair. Face still buried against my chest he pulled up my shirt to reveal my tummy and he hummed as his mouth made contact with my skin again. Trailing kisses lazily down my stomach his hands rubbed my sides and hips firmly. The skin became more and more sensitive as he continued towards and over my bellybutton, every breath, every lick and every kiss becoming more and more pleasurable. I still felt filled with anticipation, but for what I didn't know, right now I was happy to just be showered with kisses and touches, happy to just feel warmth, softness and love, and nothing else. But as he kissed lower on my body, and his hands moved from my hips to thighs, I felt a different kind of expectation flare up in me. He focused his kisses right above the lining of my jeans as he undid them. Having opened them he straightened up to be able to remove them, giving me a secretive, lustful look as he pulled my jeans and panties off in one go. Throwing them casually to the side he draped my legs over his shoulders and his arms wrapped around my thighs, his palms slowly rubbing over my hips. I hadn't expected to suddenly find myself naked from the waist down. Sitting like this with legs over his shoulders made me feel very exposed, but it wasn't entirely uncomfortable. I couldn't stop watching him as he began kissing the insides of my legs, beginning at the skin closest to his face. My breaths became ragged and shallow as I watched his mouth travel sensually over the skin of my inner thighs, first one and then the other. His palms trailed lazily over my body while he kissed, warm and soft caresses. When his mouth reached the top of my thigh he took a firm hold of me and pulled my hips towards him, pulling my bum towards the edge of the sofa. He sank down even lower in front of me, his mouth continuing the exploration of my body by kissing my hips, my lower tummy, my pubic bone, inching painfully slowly towards the heat between my legs. I watched him lovingly, running my hand over his hair. He fixed me with his gaze as he lowered his head a little, trailing his lips across my skin. I gave a quiet moan when his mouth finally made contact with my pussy, his warm breath and soft lips felt amazing. With his eyes closed he kissed me between my legs as lovingly as he would have kissed my mouth and I was unable to tear my eyes away from him. Tender and slow kisses grew a little firmer and deeper and he began nipping at me playfully, exploring me, learning me and what made me whince and moan. The way he changed between kisses, nips and sucking on me heightened my senses, I was on edge because I didn't know what to expect and I entangled my fingers into his hair. Forcefully he bent my legs back, spreading my legs even more for him. I squirmed and moaned loudly as I finally felt his warm, wet tongue flick over my clit. When the tongue returned it moved in lazy circles around my clit, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the sofa, losing myself in the growing pleasure.

«God, that feels... so.. amazing...!» I huffed, squirming some more. His hands redoubled his grip on the back of my thighs, pinning me down by keeping my legs bent back, making me unable to move. His tongue moved faster over my clit and with more force. No one had ever been given me such attention with their mouth before. My moans and groans became louder and more frequent and this spurred James on to use his tongue even faster on me. Needing to hold on to something I fumbled for James' hands and he laced his fingers with mine, not taking his mouth away from me. He stopped licking only to suck on my clit. «Oh shit...!» I gasped as the sensation intensified even more, I was burning inside and everything he did just increased my pleasure. When he went back to using his tongue, lapping at my clit I felt the sensation heighten a little more. «Oh go—don't stop, keeping going..!» I begged, grinding as much as I could against his mouth, desperate for that extra pressure or touch that would send me over the edge. He hummed with satisfaction at my frantic begging and his tongue pressed a little harder against me. My legs began trembling uncontrollably as I the orgasm drew ever nearer, losing control over my body. I was unable to warn James I was coming, having lost the use of words completely, but he knew anyway by the way my hands squeezed his and the sounds I was making. He did his best to hold me still and keep up what he was doing to prolong my orgasm while I was bucking and shaking against him. I saw stars and wondered if I was going to pass out from pure pleasure, but then the orgasm receded and I was left a trembling wreck heaving for air. As the remnants of my orgasm washed through me James let go of my hands and let me lower my legs again. He nuzzled and kissed his way up my stomach until he reached my pulled-up shirt. Then he looked up at me, his hair a little messy and his face wet in places, but smiling widely. Still breathing heavily I ran my fingers through his hair and laughed a little.

«Aw baby, I've made such a mess..!» I exclaimed apologetically and tried to wipe his cheek with my hand.

«It's all right, you didn't exactly force me to do that...» he chuckled.

«But I am very grateful that you did!» I said and leaned in to kiss him passionately. The scent of me was still heavy on his face. «I think we both might need a little clean up... Shower?» James hummed and nodded, not being difficult to persuade. 

He trailed after me upstairs and into the bathroom. Once there I turned on the shower then quickly tore off the remainder of my clothes and then undressed James, smiling a little as I noticed his erection. «What's that all about, I have barely touched you,» I said teasingly. He took my hand and pulled me into the shower, holding me so close his cock pressed up against me.

«You don't have to! You think that downstairs wasn't a turn on for me as well?» He raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

«Oh yeah? What about it turned you on?» I nibbled at his bottom lip and pressed my hips against him a little as I asked and he hummed throatily. Forcefully I pushed him back up against the tiled wall, pinning him against it with my body and my hands on the wall either side of him. Warm water trickled over both of us as I kissed along his jawline and neck, waiting for an answer.

«Hmm.» I understood why he needed a moment to think. Putting into words what turns you on in a given moment isn't easy because it isn't something you consciously think about, it just happens, an instinctive response to something you experience. If he had asked me the same, I would've had to think about it as well.

«The feel of your skin against my lips. And my hands...» He said thoughtfully.

«Mhm?" I mumbled, encouraging him to go on.

«Your taste... How wet I can make you...» He continued. My palms slid easily across his wet skin as I ran my hands over his chest, down his sides and over his hips. I felt his cock pressed up against my hip, warm and throbbing, twitching in reaction to my lips and nibbles on his skin.

«Anything else...?» I urged.

«Making you come. Loudly...» he breathed and then swallowed hard, talking was a little difficult for him now but he didn't need my encouragement to keep talking anymore. «I love hearing you wince and moan, I love that I can do that to you. The louder, the better.»

«Was I loud? I kind of lost track there for a minute.» I smiled a little embarrassedly up at him.

«A little,» he whispered, looking proud of himself.

«Wonder if I can make you be loud?» I mused, pulling back from him enough to slip a hand between us. Teasingly I hovered over his mouth just out of reach while I lightly I brushed my fingers over the tip of his cock and he twitched again. I kept hovering as I gently closed my hand around him, and my face was so close to his I could feel the heavy, ragged breath he gave as I slowly began pumping him. Still pumping him lazily I sank down on my knees, trailing my lips and my tongue along his skin all the way down. Looking up at him he already had his eyes closed and mouth a little open, enjoying the slow pleasure I was building in him with my hand. His long, greying hair was drenched and a strand was sticking to his forehead, his skin was glistening wet and his cheeks was flushed. I wanted to give him my full attention and make him feel just as loved and lusted after as he had made me feel. Wanted to give him the same amount of pleasure too, if that was possible. Having gotten to my knees I let go of his cock and placed my hands on his hips. My mouth never parted contact from his skin as it trailed down his lower stomach and groin before I began kissing my way up his shaft. As I flicked my tongue over his sensitive, exposed head I felt his hand squeeze my neck and I heard him draw a sharp intake of breath. Smiling a little to myself I took just the tip of his cock in my mouth and ran my tongue around it in circles.

«God, Emily...» He moaned huskily. By the salty taste on my tongue I knew this wouldn't last long. Closing my mouth a little tighter around him I took him into my mouth, pressing my tongue against his shaft. Keeping my lips tightly closed around him to increase friction I began working on him and he groaned again and swore under his breath. I rubbed his hips as I worked on him with my mouth, then slid my palms down his thighs. While I gradually built up speed I trailed my fingertips lightly up and down along the backside of his thighs and knees. His huffs and moans became more frequent and unpredictable and I experimented with my mouth and my tongue, chasing more sounds from James. Looking quickly up at him I saw his mouth hanging open and his eyes tightly shut in pleasure. His hand took hold of the back of my head and he pushed himself into my mouth a little in search for more friction. In an effort to give it to him I closed a hand around the base of his cock and began moving it up in time to meet my mouth.

«Fuck..!» He hissed through gritted teeth and I could feel how he tried to hold back and not push harder on the back of my head, his hips was bucking a little and I knew he was just chasing after his climax now. On an impulse I brought my free hand up to his testicles and cupped them, massaging them while I kept up the fast pace on his cock. I hadn't tried it before, but I just went with the moment, hoping it would just increase his pleasure.

«I'm close..!» He groaned hurriedly, and a few seconds later his legs trembled and he spat out a high-pitched. «Emily, I'm co--» and that was all he managed before he erupted into a loud, strained groan. I kept up the movements with my hands on his cock and balls, milking him through his orgasm and his whole body shuddered. He came all over my hands, my shoulder and himself, but it washed away quickly with the water. While his eyes was still closed and he was busy relishing the last remnants of his orgasm I got to my feet and gave him a surprise kiss, hand still wrapped around his cock.

«Hmm, you can be a little loud, you too,» I smirked against his lips and he chuckled before taking my lips in a deep, grateful kiss.

«You are too fucking good at that,» he said as he smiled at me. «But that last thing you did, why on earth haven't you done that before? That was just...!» He wasn't able to find a suitable word to finish his sentence.

«Wasn't sure you'd like it...» I shrugged a little insecurely.

«From the result you got out of it, what do you think?» He asked sarcastically and I laughed loudly and promised him to do it more. We spent another twenty minutes in the shower, slowly running hands full of shower-gel over each others bodies and washing each others hair, looking at each other. It was one of those intimate, silent moments that just stay with you forever, even if it was just a shower and you can't really describe what made it so special. Maybe it was because for the first time since he knocked on my door I didn't see any guilt or regret in his eyes that could remind me of what the hurt he had caused me, I just saw the warmth and admiration that told me how much he loved me.