Chapter 49

As Elin walked through her own front door she realised her patience had run out. That was it. For the 9 days Emily had stayed so far, Elin had tried her best to get her to talk about what was going on in her head. What was she going to do with the baby? And James? Had she left him for good? But Emily wouldn't talk. She'd tried getting Emily to contact James, but that was just out of the question. And Elin didn't want to push her too hard, scared of what that might to do her sister. She sensed how frail and fragile Emily was, even though she did her best to put on a brave face and act normal. And Elin was worrying herself sick, walking on needles and waiting for the inevitable breakdown. And now it had happened and Emily. The phone call from the hospital had scared Elin out of her wits, and now she was scared and a little angry. Elin knew Emily had gotten a norwegian phone number just so she wouldn't have to face talking to James. She also knew James had sent Emily dozens of mails, she had seen them one day when Emily had forgotten to log out of her e-mail on Elin's computer. Elin disliked snooping around, but she couldn't resist, feeling like she had to know if James had tried contacting her at all. All of the e-mails were in the trash, all of them unread.
With a sense of guilt Elin hunted out Emily's handbag and found her phone. Relieved to find that it wasn't locked with a code, she opened the contact list and was happy to find that James' number was still stored on it. Quickly typing the phone-number into her own phone she immedately tried calling him. No answer. With her heart in her throat she quickly typed in a message to him, as if she was worried someone was going to catch her in the act of sending him a message.
«Hi, it's Elin, Emily's sister. I need to talk to you, it's important. Could you please call me?» Elin put the phone down, went upstairs and started to rummage around in the guest room where Emily had been staying, trying to think of what she might need at the hospital. Phone charger, toiletries, some clothes, a few books. She dropped everything when she heard her phone ring downstairs. Her heart plummeted to her knees when she saw James' name on the display. What was she even going to say to him?
«Hello, it's Elin?» She answered, trying to sound formal.
«Hi, Elin, it's me. James. Sorry, I didn't have the phone on me earlier...» he said, but his voice trailed off as if he couldn't bring himself to ask about Emily. Had Elin seen her? Talked to her? What was going on? Was she all right?
«Oh, it's all right,» Elin said comfortingly. «Listen, James, Emily doesn't know I've contacted you...» Best to get it off her chest right away.
«I've tried contacting her. But her UK number is disconnected and she won't answer my emails.” At the mention of Emily's name James' voice turned desperate and apologetic. “I've thought about contacting you or your brother, trying to find her. I figured she had to be in Norway, none of her friends here in England has seen or heard from her. But I thought that you probably wouldn't want to talk to me either. I didn't want to put you in an awkward position...» He sounded so desperately unhappy as he tried to explain and Elin felt a wave of sympathy for him. «I don't even know where she is...»
«I know, James, I know...» Elin soothed. «I know you've tried to contact her, I saw the emails by accident. I've thought about contacting you many times, James, but... I just didn't fancy going behind her back like that, for one. I wanted to try and make her contact you on her own. I mean... Emily hasn't told me much, just that you reacted in a bad way. That being said, I don't agree with how Emily is handling it either, she's just.. trying to ignore it, displace it.»
«So you must've seen her, then..?»
«Yeah, she's been living here ever since she... came from London. She felt she couldn't go to dads or Eric, she wouldn't know how to explain.»
«Oh.. okay...» James sounded thoroughly lost.
«Listen, James, I needed to talk to you because Emily is in the hospital.»
«Hospital...?» James repeated, sounding stunned.
«She's all right,» Elin hastened to add before James could wind himself up too much. «She was out for a walk earlier today and collapsed, some passers by found her, called an ambulance. At the hospital they said her blood pressure was very low and her heart rate a bit erratic, they think the low pressure caused her to pass out. They took a lot of blood tests. She had electrolyte imbalances because of dehydration. They also told me she was anaemic, which could also be the reason for her blacking out.» Elin stopped talking, giving James some time to let the information sink in.
«But is she still...» He began. Elin relieved him of having to finish his question, she had heard the fear and concern in his voice.
«Yeah, she's still pregnant,» she said kindly. «And the baby is just fine. Emily is just... a wreck, James. The nausea is still giving her trouble, even more than I was aware of. If I didn't know any better I would say this was just... killing her. The pregnancy, not knowing what to do about it, being without you, being away from London...»
«Elin, please, I need to see her, I need to talk to her. Do you think I could come to Norway?» He asked hesitantly.
«Yeah, I think you should,» Elin said with relief. «I wanted to ask you if you would, actually.»
«All right. Just tell me which airport to go to and I'll ring you later when I've sorted out flights and things.» Elin and James worked out the details, she told him which airport to fly to and gave him the address. They agreed to talk more when James was in Norway, and hung up. Elin didn't quite know how to feel about it. Partly she felt relieved that she had contacted him, having thought about it for so long. And she felt relieved he was coming. But she felt guilt too, she wondered how livid Emily would be when she found out what she'd contacted James. With a sigh she got up and went back to packing the overnight bag for Emily. The prospect of going to the hospital frightened her a little, not knowing what state Emily would be in. She considered telling Emily that she's contacted James, that he would be coming to Norway. Maybe it would lessen the shock a little. But if she gave Emily the heads up, maybe Emily would feel like she was cornered and decide to run away again.

James arrived in a taxi the next afternoon, having refused that Elin come pick him up. Elin had insisted that James at least stay with them and not at a hotel, and he'd accepted the compromise. Once again Elin had wanted to send her kids, this time she's sent them off to go swimming.
«Hello, James,» Elin said with a gentle smile as she opened the door. He returned her smile tiredly, looking harassed and tense.
«Hello.» Elin even pulled him in for a hug, a little surprised at herself. She could tell how upset James was just by looking at him and was hit with a wave of sympathy. She'd only met James once, but she felt like she knew him through everything Emily had told her about him, and from the times James had joined in their webcam chats. And now, their mutual concern for Emily had brought them a little closer. James hugged her back, albeit a little shyly, and Elin ushered him inside. James accepted Elin's offer of coffee and she busied herself making it while James got out of his jacket and shoes. James joined Elin in the kitchen and they sat down by the kitchen table, both cradling steaming mugs.
«Was your flights okay?» Elin asked, blowing at her steaming hot coffee.
«Yeah, just... they felt long, I wanted to get here,» James sighed. Elin wasn't going to torture James more with chit-chat, she knew the only thing on James' mind was Emily.
«I went by the hospital and saw Emily after we'd talked yesterday,» Elin said. «They were giving her a bloodtransfusion and fluids to get her bloodpressure stable again and sort out her electrolytes. She was just... weak and tired so I didn't stay long, she wanted to sleep.»
«But how can she be so anemic? Is she bleeding somewhere?» James asked, looking concerned.
«Well, when a woman is pregnant the amount of blood in her body increases by almost 50 percent. And if the body doesn't have enough iron reserves it won't be able to produce enough blood. Emily has been eating and drinking way too little for weeks and weeks because of her nausea and all the stress, so her body hasn't been able to keep up with the demand for more blood. The body prioritizes the baby, hence Emily passed out.»
«She looked really pale last time I saw her...» James said quietly, fiddling with the handle on his mug.
«I haven't seen her today, but talked to her on the phone. She says she feels a little better, the blood transfusion helped. But they want to keep her there a bit longer, she's still a bit woozy and her bloodpressure still isn't stable,» Elin explained.
«Good,» James nodded. «That they're keeping her there, I mean,» he added hastily.
«When I was about to leave the hospital yesterday... The doctor in charge of Emily's treatment wanted to talk to me,» Elin began. «She said she was considering doing a psychiatric evaluation on her.»
«Psychiatric...?» James said weakly, looking scared and confused.
«Yeah... She said that Emily obviously wasn't taking care of herself, even though she knows how to because she's a nurse and a smart woman. She also thought that Emily seemed very.. unbalanced, almost in denial about her pregnancy and refusing to talk about it. And Emily has a psychiatric history... I filled the doctor in on the situation, which made her understand Emily a little better. They were going to hold off on the psych evaluation. The doctor also admitted that it would be a difficult thing to do on Emily because she would instantly know what they were doing, which might just cause her to freak out completely.» As Elin spoke, James felt as if his heart was physically breaking in his chest. It killed him to hear what a state Emily was in, his Emily, the love of his life. And the guilt threatened to crush him, he felt like everything Emily was going through was entirely his fault. James cleared his throat.
«What do you think? Do you think she needs a psych evaluation?» He asked timidly. He valued her opinion, Elin had known Emily all her life, and through periods in Emily's life that had been very hard on her.
«She's... very frail and fragile, I feel like she's been walking around here being completely made of glass, and that it would take absolutely nothing to break her. I've been really worried about her, seeing her like that... it reminded me of how she used to be in her teens, and that was terrifying.» James just looked at Elin quizzically. «I don't know how much Emily has told you about the problems she had?» Elin asked.
«Not much, really...» James admitted. He could only remember Emily talking about her difficult past two times. «I know that she lost her mum when she was 12, and that she had depressions and anxiety for many years. And that she was suicidal at some point. And I know she lost her best mate. That's about it, really.» Elin had a sip of her coffee, then squared her shoulders a little, looking into James' eyes.
«If you had met Emily 10-15 years ago, you wouldn't have recognised her. She had the worst depressions, she could be fine one day, and the next she'd be in her bed, completely apathetic. And it would last for days, weeks. She had a cycle of being awake for 24 or maybe 48 hours, then passing out from exhaustion. She ate every two or three days, and only got out of bed to have a shower or eat. At night she would have the most horrible nightmares imaginable... I remember seeing her back once, it was full of bloody scratchmarks because she was scratching at herself in her sleep, she didn't even know they were there. It was awful. She was impossible to relate to, she shyed away from all of us and nothing we said or did was any help. Eventually she became suicidal, planning out how she was going to kill herself with her car. Thats when we got her into a psychiatric hospital. She lived there for well over two months, and was diagnosed with a personality disorder in addition to generalised depression and anxiety.» Elin stopped talking, giving James the time to take it all in.
«I can't believe it's Emily you're talking about...» He said eventually. «I knew about her being suicidal, about the car, she told me about that once, but... I don't know, I guess I didn't believe her. Or wanted to believe.»
«I can't either, looking at Emily today. Well not today, but you know what I mean. With the right help she worked her way out of all her self-destructiveness, somehow managing to change into the Emily you and I know. She's been stable and happy for nearly ten years now. But now, ever since she came here... it just reminds me of that time, walking on eggshells around her, watching her as she's trying to hide everything away. She's been amazing with the kids, and helping around the house, but I've also heard her cry at night, in her sleep.» Elin watched James sadly, she could see all the pain and despair in his face, he seemed so helpless and lost. With a sigh she put his hand on top of James', squeezing it lightly. «To answer your guestion: no, James, I don't think she needs a psych evaluation. I think she just needs you.»
«I don't know..» James said with a sad little shrug. «Maybe I'm the last person she needs... I did this to her, I'm the reason she's all.. broken..»
«Well, then you better go fix her again, James. She's my baby sister, and you're the only person who can. You're not allowed to give up on her,» Elin said firmly. James was glad that he didn't hear any trace of blame in her voice.
«I'll try...» James said with a weak smile.
«Want me to drive you to the hospital right away?» She asked kindly, and James nodded quietly, looking terrified at the prospect. «I wish I could tell you how I think Emily will react to seeing you, but I can't, James. I have absolutely no idea.» James nodded his understanding, trying to mentally prepare himself. He didn't know either, and he wondered if she was going to rage and scream and have him thrown out, or have a complete breakdown? In any case, he needed to see her.