Chapter 56

James and I didn't really talk much about the pregnancy over the coming week. We didn't really need to. Both of us needed time to process it on our own, in our own minds, digest the fact that we were going to become a mum and a dad. We had made the decision, and that was enough for now. Even so I caught James reading the books I had given him whenever he had the time, he couldn't read them anywhere but in the privacy of home for now, as we were keeping it too ourselves. It was an entertainment in itself watching him read them: sometimes reading intently with furrowed brows, looking concerned or slightly panic-stricken, and sometimes laughing loudly. I took Beatrice's advice to heart and spent my week relaxing, and eating, enjoying life and the excuse to eat whatever I wanted immensely now that the nausea had gone. James worked a little, but cancelled a few things here and there just to be home with me. We desperately needed this time together, our month apart had been devastating for us both. Even without talking about it, I knew that we both just wanted to focus more on our relationship than the pregnancy right now. Our relationship was the foundation for everything, we were the meaning in each others lives and nothing could be more important. So we spent time together, just being a couple; talking, laughing, making love and finding back to each other. Over and over we told each other how sorry we were for what had happened, and what we loved about each other.

Another reason we prioritized spending time with each other was that I was going back to work, and James would be leaving for two weeks to the US to record a documentary on space a few days later. I was amused to no end by how James was fussing over me, checking up on me while I was at work, making dinner for when I came home, cleaning the house and and doing laundry, anything to be helpful and show that he wanted to take care of me. No matter how much I tried saying that he didn't need to do everything, and to reassure him that I was fine, he wouldn't listen. In the end I gave up and just let him keep at it, secretly enjoying the attention and not having to do boring house chores. Privately I suspected him of trying to prepare himself for fatherhood, or at least trying to practice being one. But when James began talking in all seriousness of postponing or cancelling the making of the documentary I had to put my foot down.

«James... You really are sweet, watching out for me. You've been taking such good care of me lately and I really appreciate it, love. I know that you want to be here, with me, and look after me. I know that, I do. But stop being ridiculous. You can't, and shouldn't, either postpone nor cancel this shoot.»

«But I worry about you, and I hate the thought of leaving you for two whole weeks,» he argued, albeit a little feebly.

«I don't like the thought of you leaving, either, of course I don't. I'll miss you so much, and you know that. But you need to work, or you'll just became restless and grumpy. And then I'll become grumpy. Work as much as you can now, get all your projects out of the way, because after this baby is born... That is when I'll want you to be here with me all the time.»

«Are you saying you don't want me here?» He asked, only half-pretending to be offended.

«Pff. Sometimes I wonder who are having worse hormonal issues, you or me,» I scoffed, nudging him lightly. James chuckled despite himself and wrapped his arms around me, just holding me close. «I know you're worried that you'll miss out on something by not being here all the time, or that I'll feel like you're not being supportive enough. But I won't feel like that, honey. And you really won't miss out on much in two weeks, you might not even tell the difference when you get back.»

«Hmm... Okay, if you say so,» he sighed reluctantly, letting me go but peering at me intently. «But what if something happens when I'm away?»

«Oh, honey...» Seeing the concern in James' face I felt a wave of understanding and love. It was evident that something going wrong was something he had worried about a lot lately, even if he'd never told me so. «James, I worry about that too. That something might happen or go wrong... But if it does, there is nothing you or I can do about it. It won't matter where we are or what we're doing, if it happens, it happens. So I try not to think about it too much, it'll just make me anxious and stressed and it'll wear me out. And it will for you, too. Try not to worry about it, okay? We're over the worst bit, I feel healthy and the heartbeats sounded strong and good. Just focus on that.» James sighed again, rubbing his face.

«Jesus, when did I become such a worrier...» he mumbled, voice muffled by his hands.

«James, you always have been! You worry constantly, about work, about your age, about what to wear, what other people think of you... I can hear the thoughts whirring around in your brain 24-7,» I said mildly, patting his back. James looked quizzically at me from between his fingers, then straightened up a little.

«That might be true, but... A month ago I thought I'd never have kids, and I thought I was happy with that. When did this start to matter so much?»

«See? Now you're even worrying about this mattering too much to you!» I pointed out, half-laughing. «But I'm glad it matters to you, it just tells me that you want this just as much as I do. We've had this conversation before; caring about something, or someone, is always scary, because you might lose it, it might disappear. But we still do it, right?»

«This isn't how this is supposed to go, you know. You're supposed to be hysterical and anxious, and I'm supposed to be calm and comforting one,» James grumbled, looking exasperated at himself.

«Psh, you've always been the woman of this relationship,» I scoffed and James' loud laughter rang through the living room. «You even look more pregnant than me,» I added, poking his stomach.

“For now!” He said curtly.

“Yes, but this...” I said, gesturing to my own tummy, “this is just temporary. That however – that beergut is for life, May,” I continued poking him again.

«Oy, watch it,» he growled. Before I even had time to squeal he pounced, tickling me fervently and I curled up into a defensive ball, screaming with laughter. He didn't stop until I was sitting on the floor, tears rolling down my face while I gasped for air. My stomach hurt from laughing and I clutched at a stitch in my side. «Am I still a woman?» He asked, a little out of breath.

«No, no, no, no, you're a big strong manly man, you just tickled your woman into submission,» I chuckled. James lunged after me, trying to tickle me again, but this time I was prepared for it. Catching him unawares I wrapped a hand around his wrist and managed to yank him down onto the floor, pulling him close. «Stop it, or I'll remove all your bedroom privileges,» I growled, my face an inch from his.

«Mm, I better behave then,» he hummed, looking at me transfixed.

«Good girl. I mean, boy,» I corrected quickly. James rolled his eyes as he giggled. Closing the final little gap between us I gave him a slow, considered kiss, running my palm over his chest. Pulling away I looked at him pointedly. «James, I'll be just fine, I promise. We have phones, we can keep in touch every day. Meanwhile I have work, I have books to read, TV-shows to watch, friends to catch up with... Maybe I'll go up to the Hammonds or something for a day or two to cuddle all the dogs, I said I'd come visit them again. I promise to take it easy at work and to take care of myself.»

«Just don't... rearrange the furniture or anything while I'm away. No taking on extra shifts. And if you have to go grocery shopping, don't... carry too much, get help. And...»

«James! I get it!» I shouted.

«Okay, okay...» James nodded, leaning his forehead against mine. «You're a big girl, I know you can take care of yourself,» he admitted.

«Not such a big girl as you,» I snorted, unable to resist the urge to poke fun at him again. James' arm twitched, I could tell he had been about to tickle me again, but I held up a warning finger. «Ah-ah-ah. Bedroom privileges, remember?» His expression softened instantly and he tried to pass his arm-twitch off as having tried to wrap it around me. Leaning down he nuzzled the side of my neck, hunting out that sensitive spot.

«Hmm, can I use those privileges now?» He hummed. With my eyes closed I just moaned a weak 'uh-huh' in response, easily excited as I was these days. Holding him I sank down on the floor, pulling him down with me. He kept nuzzling and kissing the side of my neck. I turned my head sideways, hunting for his mouth, taking his lips in a deep and passionate kiss. «This isn't the bedroom...» James pointed out with a mumble.

«I don't care,» I huffed, meaning it whole-heartedly, I wanted him to take me right here on the floor between the table and the couch. «Your privileges are extended to the entire house. And garage.»

«I can't with the dust bunnies staring at me...» he said distractedly, looking sideways at a few fluffs of dust under the sofa.

«You're the housewife these days, so you've apparently done a poor job...» I teased, playing with his earlobe with my tongue, breathing heavily into his ear. He hummed, but tore himself out of it and pulled back, leaning on his arms to look down at me.

«Emily, the last time we had sex on the floor my back almost gave out. And I think I still might have chafe marks on my arse.»

«But we're on a rug now...» I begged.

«Which will probably give me carpet burns!» He laughed, leaning down a little he gave me a quick kiss. «Now come on. I don't want a quickie on the floor. I want you properly, I want to make love to you, in our bed,» he whispered, then sat up on his knees.

«Well, when you put it like that...» I nodded, smiling at him as I let him pull me up to sit. Getting to his feet he helped me up, then wrapped his arms around me and held me close, resting his forehead against mine.

«I think your horny pregnant hormones are starting to have an affect on me, too...» he mumbled. The bulge in his jeans pressing against me gave away what he meant.

«Or you're just really chuffed about having a girlfriend who wants to shag all the time,» I giggled, slipping my hands into the backpockets of his jeans to squeeze his arse. James just chuckled and shrugged innocently. «But you know... Feel free to hose me down if I'm wearing you out or.. you can't keep up,» I teased, squeezing him again.

«Watch it, missus... You don't want to go there,» He warned, narrowing his eyes.

«Yes, I do. I do want to go there. Now!» I nodded eagerly. «Specifically upstairs!» James rolled his eyes, pretending to be exasperated, but took my hand and led me upstairs nonetheless.

In the end, James went to make his documentary, but he didn't go quietly. As long I had my shifts at the hospital I was fine, it kept me occupied and tired enough to be able to fall asleep in an empty bed at night. But I was still working just half time and suddenly I had en entire long-weekend stretching out in front of me, seemingly infinite. I managed to get through Thursday by talking to people on the phone, calling Cathy or my sister while simultaneously playing on my iPad AND watching TV. By Friday afternoon I was climbing the walls with boredom, I was missing James and I was lonely. In desperation I sent Richard a text. 'Bored out of my skull. Please entertain me with whatever marvellous adventure you're currently in'. Within a minute the phone rang.

«Adventure? Emily, I'm sat here staring at the kitchen clock!» He complained as soon as I had said hello.

«That sounds.... tedious. Why?»

«Mindy and the kids are away for the weekend,» he mumbled, feeling sorry for himself.

«Isn't that a welcome break? You can do whatever you want! Tinker with bikes or cars, go driving, have a beer, sleep in...? I thought a wife-and-kids-free weekend was a blessing for a family man?»

«It isn't, I'm just bored and restless,» he grumbled. «What about you, why are you so bored?»

«James is in the states for two weeks, space documentary.»

«Aha... But this is great!» He said, suddenly sounding incredibly excited. «Come up here! We can watch movies and have pizza and... Well, it's too cold for playing around with on motorbikes or the ATVs really, but we could off-roading with my Land Rover! You know, mudding or rock crawling or something, I know lots of places to do that around here.»

«I know absolutely jack about off-roading, though,» I said, smiling as I heard Richards excitement.

«Even better, I can teach you! So, are you coming?» He asked, sounding like an eager jack russell at the prospect of being taken for a walk.

«Yes, yes, I'm coming, of course I am,» I sighed and laughed. «I'll just need to pack a little. It'll be late until I get there though, the drive takes over two hours.»

«If you're taking the panda it'll take three! Pack wellies! And stuff you don't mind getting dirty.»

«I might take the Porsche, actually.»

«Smart decision.»

«All right, I'll see you later then!» We hung up and I busied myself with packing, rummaging around to find thermal underwear, thick sweaters and durable outdoorsy clothes, not really knowing what I would need for country off-roading, I had never done it before. When I had gotten into the car I called James.

«Hi sweetheart. I just called to let you know I'm on my way up to Hammond's. I got bored.»

«Really? That's good. It's good to know you won't be alone. And bored.»

«I'll call you when I get there,» I said, knowing he was about to ask.

«Yes, you will. And drive safe, yeah? It's late, might've dropped below zero now,» he warned.

«James, you are talking to a woman who grew up driving in Norway. You don't have to tell me?»

«Okay, okay, I know.»

«I miss you, you know. I just needed something to do, make the time pass.»

«Miss you too. Love you.»

Richard had sent me a text instructing me to just come in when I arrived, so that's what I did. Opening the front door I shouted his name, and was met by a barrage of dogs greeting me.

«In here!» I heard from the living room, and I headed there with a train of dogs following me.

«Bloody hell, you took your time!» He said, lounging comfortably in a big armchair. «You took the Panda, didn't you.»

«No, I took the Porsche. But there was a major accident on the M4. Thank fuck I wasn't there first, or I'd be elbow deep in blood and intestines by now,» I sighed as I slumped down on the sofa. Richard made a face. «But I was stuck in the jam for an hour. Looked really bad, car versus trailer,» I shuddered.

«But you made it! Welcome!» Richard got up and came over to give me a long hug. «Long time, no see! I haven't seen you since what, August?»

«Something like that,» I agreed, hugging him back. We quickly decided to order some pizza and watch a movie.

«Beer?» Richard asked, mouth already full of pizza.

«Um, no thanks, I'm trying to... stay away from that stuff for a while,» I said, realising I hadn't thought up any good lies for not drinking.

«Stay away? Why?»

«Living with May there's too much beer around, I'll have a gutbucket to rival Jezza's any day now,» I continued, thinking quickly. Richard eyed me intently for a moment.

«All right. I know better than to argue with women over dieting choices!» He shrugged. «But in my opinion you're being completely ridiculous. You really don't need to be dieting, you look absolutely perfect to me.» He said it with an undertone that made my eyes linger at him a little longer. Was he flirting again? We got through the pizza quickly and before long I found myself curled on the sofa buried beneath a pile of dogs. Richard was back in the armchair, buried on the blanket again. Half an hour into the movie he was sleeping soundly. I let him sleep until the movie was over around midnight. Untangling myself from the dogs on the sofa I put a hand on Richard's arm, rousing him gently.

«Hamster... It's midnight. Go to bed.»

«Mwuh..?» He opened his eyes and looked dazedly up at me, his mind sluggish from sleep. Sighing tiredly he rubbed his face. «I'm the worst company in the world, I ask you up here and I just.. zonk out. Sorry.»

«Oh don't be silly, it's fine. The movie wasn't very interesting anyway, you didn't miss much.»

«Even so.... Sorry for falling asleep. I guess I just relax better with people around,» he said as he got out of his armchair. «Anyway, you should go to bed too, tomorrow we're going offroading!»