Chapter 65

That next week I went Christmas-shopping. James had exonerated me from having to buy any presents for his family, as I really didn't know anyone in his family well enough to buy them presents. I had sorted presents for my nieces, nephews and my dad in the first week of December as I knew the post could take a while. Deciding to be a bit of a nigthmare, and having no idea what to buy men who had literally everything, I ended up going online and getting ridiculous presents for Jeremy and Richard. Jezza would get a wooden “Ford GT” gear knob along with a “Ford GT Enthusiasts' club” t-shirt, just to really rub his face in his love/hate relationship with the car. Hamster would get a teacup that said “Oliver” with little hearts on it. James nearly died laughing when I showed it to him. That only left me to go out and get little bits and bobs for my own friends. I made girlie goodiebags for Cathy and Kellie, filling them with wine and facemasks and candy and scented candles. For Ben and Jo I made a “survival bag for tired parents”.

As I came home laden with bags I dropped them all on the floor of the hallway and gave a long, strained groan of frustration. James' head poked out of the kitchen.

“Whats up?”

“I hate Christmas,” I growled.

“Uh-oh,” he mumbled, retracting his head, taking cover.

“No, I don't hate Christmas. I just hate the idea of having to get people presents. People have everything these days, why do we have to give them more stuff?!” I complained as I entered the kitchen and plopped down on a chair. I stared at James, waiting for an answer, a solution to my problems. “Well?!”

“I.. don't know what to say..” James stammered. “Because I sort of.. agree with you. Is there someone you can't think of a gift for?” He asked sympathetically. At this I just nodded, then suddenly a wave of emotions hit me so forcefully I started bawling like a child. I knew the reason for it was absolutely ridiculous, but I couldn't control it. Horrified James walked over to me, placing his hand tentatively on my shoulder. “Hey, what's wrong? It's just Christmas presents, it can't have made you that upset?” At this I looked up at him, my eyes brimming with tears.

“Yes it has! I can't think of a single fucking thing to get you. I'm a horrible, useless girlfriend,” I wailed, sobbing grossly. “I fucking live with you, I want to live the rest of my life with you, and I can't even think of what to get you! I can't think of a single thing to give you that isn't socks or a fucking tie!”

“Tie? I never wear ties.” Refusing to see the joke I wailed even harder. James sat down next to me, taking my hands in both of his. “Emily... Calm down. Breathe. Now stop yammering, and breathe.” His stern tone made me look up at him, a final sob escaping me. “Emily. Its just a Christmas gift. Even I wouldn't know what to get me, because I have everything.”

“I still should be able to figure something out, I'm supposed to.. know you really well and be able to come up with something!”

“But there isn't everything I need, and I can't think of anything I want. I have everything I need, because I have you.”
“But... I can't not give you a Christmas gift.”

“Hey... You are growing our baby, you can't give me a better gift than that, ” he ventured.

“Are you going to use all the clichés in the book?” I asked, failing to hold back a little smirk.

“Well.... Are they working?” He smiled back.

“A little..,” I conceded. Feeling stupid and hysterical I embarrassed I leaned into him, in search of comfort and a place to hide.

“So... Hormones being particularly bad today, then?” James asked, holding me close. My first impulse was to get offended, but my next impulse of laughing heartily quickly won.

“Just a bit.”

“If it really is that important to you, just get me a new laptop charger, my old one only works if you jiggle it about, probably has a lead break in it. And I could probably do with some new socks...”

“God, that's boring.”

“I don't know what to tell you. You are dating me....” He sighed. I giggled a little and gave him a teary kiss.

Christmas was upon us before I knew it. On the morning of Christmas Eve I decided to stick to my own traditions and padded around the house all morning in pyjamas and huge fluffy lsippers, watching the traditional Disney cartoons and a few “Home Alone” films on telly.

“So this is what Norwegians do on Christmas Eve?” James asked with a raised eyebrow as he sat down on the sofa, nudging me to make some space for him. I moved over a little, then rested my head back down, using his thigh as a pillow.

“No. This is what I do on Christmas Eve morning.”

“Morning? It's 2pm!” He objected.

“I don't give a toss what everyone else does. Mostly they run around trying to sort out everything for Christmas Eve dinner and get dressed up for some church sermon they never make it to anyway. While they run around, I sit around in my pyjamas and eat gingerbread cookies and watch Baloo dance. 'Look for the.. bare necessities...'” I hummed, singing along with the cartoon.

“You are bonkers,” James chortled.

“Now, keep in mind that if I hadn't been pregnant I would've been half drunk on mulled wine already as well,” I added, holding up a hand. “And don't call me bonkers, I'm not even wearing my santas hat this year!”

“... Santa's hat?”

“Yeah, I had one of those really long ones, I think mine went past my knees.”

“Oh, right. No no, you're the picture of mental health, you are.”

“Actually, I am. Everyone else is running around like headless chickens during Christmas time, doing everything they can to please everyone, the kids, the parents, the wife, the husband, the inlaws... No matter how hard you try, you can't please anyone anyway, so I just.. don't. My family is disappointed that I'm not there, that I chose to be here, I know that even if they haven't said so. I could've done some compromise and spent a few days here, a few days there, but in the end it wouldn't be the same.” As I talked I had sat up, and now I wrapped my arms around James. “So instead of doing that, I'm staying here, enjoying myself and my time with you.”

We had Christmas dinner at James' sisters house on the outskirts of London. All of James' family were there, his parents, siblings with their spouses, his nieces and nephews. It was nice to spend more time with his family and get them to know a little better. Naturally my tummy got the most attention of the evening, and James' nieces and nephews were particularly curious, asking tonnes of questions as children always did. We drove home late that night, promising we'd be back relatively early for the presents and lunch the next day.

I was awakened the next day by a soft kiss on the mouth.

“Merry Christmas, sleepyhead,” James' voice said softly. Eyes still closed I smiled sleepily, stretching a little.

“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” My voice was thick with sleep.

“I'm sorry to wake you, but... We have to get up soon if we're going over to my sister's...” he apologised.

“I know, it's okay,” I said and stretched again, trying to wake myself up.

“But before we did that, I was thinking maybe we could swap presents?” James' face lit up with childlike excitement at his own suggestion. I quickly realised that this might be a good idea, my gifts to James were pretty personal and I just didn't want to give it to him in front of his whole family, they were too private.

“Hang on,” I said and crawled out of bed and threw on one of James' t-shirts. Returning to the bedroom with James' presents in a bag I crawled back into the bed and under the covers. James eyed the bag curiously.

“You or me first?” He asked.

“Pregnant women first, of course! Where are you manners?!” I exclaimed. Laughing, James handed me a package which was small, unevenly shaped and whatever was inside it seemed soft. I gave James a quick, quizzical glance before tearing away the wrapper. At first I thought it was just a random heap of flowers, but picking it up I saw that it was actually a flower wreath. To my amazement I realised they were made out of fresh flowers. Holding it up I gave James another quizzical frown.

“That's a 'lei'. I thought you should have that for when we got to Hawaii,” he said casually.

“A lei-- wait, what?”

“Hawaii. You and me. Two weeks. Sound good?” James took the flower wreath from me and hung it around my neck. I looked down at the flowers, then up at James, treacherous tears in my eyes already. The wreath was a little corny, and a cliché, but they were also gorgeous and a little romantic.

“You are so... daft!” I sobbed.

“Knowing you, that's probably a yes,” he smirked, slipping an arm around my lower back.

“You are really, really spoiling me,” I sniffed, feeling a little humble and unworthy.

“I'm spoiling us. After this baby is born we... We probably won't get a chance to travel much for a while. And I love travelling with you, seeing new places, discovering new things... We had such an amazing time on Bali, I just want to do that over and over again. And we both know we'll get a lot less time to ourselves, so I just want to have one more romantic trip with you before we become parents, you know? Just you and me.”

“That is a great idea, sweetie. Thank you so much, I can't wait to go,” I said, my voice constricted by tears. I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly.

“I want to take you to all the places you want to go....” he whispered and gave me a lingering kiss.

“You are so amazing,” I sighed, falling in love with him for the millionth time.

“Is it my turn now?” He asked impatiently, straightening up and eyeing the bag lying on the duvet.

“Yeah, yeah,” I giggled and handed him the first gift.

“So you did manage to come up with something?” He said with a surprised smile. The first one contained a pair of really ugly, striped socks and a new charger-cord for his laptop, just as requested, and James chuckled heartily. Next I handed him a square box that didn't rattle at all when he shook it. Like an excited five year old he feverishly tore off the paper and opened the box. Gaping, he stared at what was inside, not knowing what to say. My inspiration for his next gift had come that same day I had been crying in the kitchen, frustrated over not being able to think of something. On the counter had been one of James' old watches. It had stopped running after his last trip to Africa, and he had been told by a watchmaker there was no fixing it. James liked that watch, it was one of the first really expensive things he'd bought for himself after he started working on Top Gear, and it signified a big change in his life for him. He never left the house without a watch on, and he loved them. At first the thought of trying to find one for him was daunting, I wasn't sure what he would like, but when I had found the one James was now staring at, I just had to get it. It was a Breitling chronograph watch called Navitimer. It was made out of steel, with the glass made out of sapphire crystal, and probably the single most expensive thing I had ever bought for anyone ever, including myself. Except for the only car I had owned. It was an absolutely beautiful thing with a steel strap and an aurora-blue dial that matched James' eyes. James knew watches, he knew how expensive it was. Still not having said a word he reverentially took the watch out of its little box.

“Oh my god... Emily...” James mumbled, blinking a little, mouth half open.

“Do you like it?” I asked, genuinely worried he wouldn't.

“This is... I... Wow...”

“I thought you might need a new watch, your old one was broken...” I mumbled awkwardly.

“Emily, this is... too much...” He said quietly.

“No, James, it isn't. You.... You have given me everything. You've made me part of your life, you let me live with you..” At this point James opened his mouth to argue, but shut it again when he saw the look in my eyes. “You... Make me feel cared for, and safe, and loved, and wanted. You spoil me rotten and you've put up with all my craziness lately. I owe you so much I don't even know where to begin.”

“You don't owe me anything, Emily...” he sighed.

“I know that. I just... saw this and really wanted you to have it. Look on the back.” He flipped the watch over. On the back these words were engraved; 'About time I found you. - Emily'. James read the words, then looked up at me, blinking rapidly to try and chase away a few tears. He failed, and a few tears ran down his cheek. I had genuinely stunned him now, by the look on his face I could tell he had no idea what to say. Reaching out I cupped his cheek in my hand and wiped away a tear with my thumb. “So you like it, then?” I ventured.

“It's... perfect,” he squeaked, sniffing again.

“And so are you,” I retorted with a cheesy grin.

“Thank you so so much, sweetheart” he said, smiling now that he had gotten over the initial shock of the gift. Leaning forward he brushed his nose against mine. “It's about time I found you, too. I have looked for you my entire life.” At these words my eyes started brimming with tears again and I collapsed into him, clinging onto him like I would never see him again.

“Maybe we should just stop being such hormonal crybabies and get out of bed?” I suggested, sniffing and clearing my throat. James agreed and we wrestled ourselves out of bed.

An hour later we were on our way, having gotten ready in record time. As I sat next to James, looking at him, I knew I was going to have a hard time paying attention to anything but him all day. He was dressed in jeans, a floral shirt and that blue velvet jacket I loved so much, and he was proudly wearing his new watch. He looked absolutely breathtaking. When we arrived at James' sisters house the unwrapping was already in full swing, the kids were knee-deep in wrapping paper and new toys. I settled on the sofa with a cup of cocoa that James' mother proffered me, happily watching the kids tearing through their gifts. When the kids were done with their mountain of gifts it was the grown-ups turn. Most of the presents for me were really for the baby; toys, some clothes, a blanket, a comforter. I nearly fell out of the sofa with surprise when I even found a present from Jeremy in the pile, then I went into a laughing fit when I opened it. Inside was a black v-neck t-shirt that said “I am the Stig”, not across the chest but across the stomach.

“That is one very disturbing mental image,” James laughed, shaking his head in disgust. My sister had obliged my very specific wish and bought me a “baby wrap” to carry the baby in. “What's that? A scarf? It's immense!” James observed. His sisters rolled their eyes at his ignorance.

“No, it's a baby wrap. I wrap it around me, and the baby, so I can carry it around,” I explained patiently. “Like the kangaroos do. Or African women.”

“... Kangaroos?”

“Shut up.”

“Can I call you Kanga?” James continued, unable to let it go.

“I find it disturbing that you even know who Kanga is!”

“I have nieces and nephews! And grew up with smaller siblings! I read them Winnie the Pooh!” James defended himself.

“If I'm Kanga, then you're Eeyore. No, on second thought you'd probably be Rabbit, isn't he the OCD one? Wasn't he the one who said 'You and I have brains, the others have fluff'? Sounds like exactly something you could've said.” At this James laughed loudly.

“Is this how it goes between you two?” Sarah interrupted.

“Pretty much, “ I giggled, putting the baby wrap away.

By around four o'clock James and I made our excuses and left, having had enough of family for a while. James had been holding my hand for the past hour, giving me subtle but longing looks. All I wanted to do was go home and curl up in James' arms for the rest of the day and let the Christmas Peace descend over the both of us. Not used to the noise level of a huge family get-together, I nearly fell asleep in the car, lulled by the monotone sound of the engine. I woke up when the car started slowing down considerably. Opening my eyes and looking out the window, nothing seemed familiar.

“James? Where are we? Why are we here?” I frowned. James had weaved his way into a residential area that didn't look remotely familiar to me. My confusion grew even larger when James swung off the road and drove through an electric gate that had just opened. Turning off the ignition James turned to face me.

“I just wanted you to look at this house.”

“House?”

“Yeah. Ever since I told Sarah we were having a baby she's been badgering me about moving, and now the rest of the family have joined in. 'A pram wont even fit in front of your house, let alone in your hallway, blah blah'”, James echoed in a squeaky, nagging voice, rolling his eyes.

“I... hadn't even thought of that...” Still frowning, I looked out the window to see a big house with a huge, cobbled front yard. “So this house is for sale?”

“No, this is already sold. Looking for a house is turning out to be a right nightmare. I just wanted you to see this. If you like it, then it'll be easier to know what I'm looking for. Or, more specifically, what the realtor has to find,” he explained.

“Oh, okay,” I nodded and got out of the car. Just the front yard seemed big to me, indicating that the property itself had to be huge, everything surrounded by a tall, white wall. The front yard was partly cobbled, the rest was paved, and everything seemed surrounded by hedges, bushes or lawns. “What's that?” I asked, pointing at a battered, huge building in a corner. It didn't seem residential at all.

“Oh, the previous owner was a hobby-pilot like me. Only difference was he built planes himself, the daft lunatic. That's his workshop.”

“Ah, all right. So someone you know used to own this house?”

“Yeah, just an acquaintance through flying. Want to go inside?” James asked, pulling a set of keys out of his pocket. Traipsing after James I kept looking around at the house and property, my mind working furiously. The possibility of moving had never even crossed my mind. A baby is tiny, it hadn't occurred to me that we would need more space. But thinking about it, James' sisters had a point. A pram was big. Would a changing table fit in any of our two bathrooms? Highly unlikely. Walking through the house I noticed how roomy it felt, with lots of open spaces. The living room had a fireplace, and the kitchen had a huge table like I had always wanted, a table that would fit friends and family all at once. Despite the fact that it had a master bedroom and four additional bedrooms plus a few rooms that could be used for studies, it didn't seem overwhelming, I didn't feel like I could get lost trying to find my way around it. The back garden was enormous, at least compared to the little spot of grass we had. The porch was partly tiled and had a comfy seating area which seemed very superfluous in this December cold, but England could have some beautiful summers. The garden had a few bushes and flowerbeds here and there, and some huge trees to the very back. Returning inside James lead me to the living room and sat down on the sofa, which seemed to be one of the few pieces of furniture the previous owner hadn't moved yet.

“So what do you think? Could you imagine living some place like this?” he asked, looking a little nervous.

“I.. yeah, sure,” I said with wide eyes, nodding a little. “Its very different from the narrow town-house we live in now, you know? Open areas, wide hallways, just... space! And even though its big it isn't, you know.. too big. I don't feel like I would need a map to find my way around here. I mean, I love the house we live in now, its perfect for just you and me, but... Sarah might have a point, we might need a bigger place. I hadn't even thought of that,” I admitted a little awkwardly, fiddling with my hands resting on my growing stomach. I was a little ashamed to admit it, suddenly I felt very unprepared for what was laying ahead. How could I not have even thought of that we might need a bigger place?

“So you really like this house?” James asked again.

“Yeah, I really do. It's private, has all the space we would need and then some, has a gorgeous garden.. Something like this would've been a perfect place to live.”

“That's very fortunate, because I bought it,” he said simply. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped to the floor as all the air went out of me.

“You... bought it?” I squeaked.

“I just.... really liked this place, so I bought it,” he said with a simple shrug.

“You just... bought it?”

“Um... yes...?” James flinched, hoping that was the right answer.

“So this is... yours?”

“No, it's ours, mine and yours.” Silence fell as thoughts were racing through my brain and I felt my heart sink to the floor.

“But, James... You know I could never pay even a percentage of what this place must cost...” I sighed sadly. If I was honest with myself, a huge portion of what I had saved up, I had used for James' watch. Which was probably a ridiculous thing to do, but I hadn't cared at the moment.

“Emily, I don't give a damn about money, I never have and you know that!” He said, raising his voice a little. “Of course I know you could never pay for a house like this, I would never expect that. I know what you earn and you are stupidly underpaid. Just like I am ridiculously overpaid, that's just... fact. But I don't want this to be just my house which you and our child happen to live in. I want this to be our house, our family's house... You know? And if.. if something should happen to... to me-” At this point I couldn't stay quiet any longer.

“James, don't even say something like that.”

“Emily, I want you to be safe, both of you. I want this house to be in both our names so IF something happens, there'll be no doubt this is yours. Ok? I want to live here for the rest of my life with you, with my family. If that sounds... okay..” he ended feebly, realising he was sounding a lot more stern then he wanted to. For a moment I could do nothing but gape at him, completely stunned into silence. Then I squealed happily and threw my arms around him, climbed into his lap and hugged him as tightly as I could, tears bursting from my face. Words were still beyond me as I clung on to him. “...is that a yes?” James asked timidly.

“You've already bought it so I can't bloody well say no, can I?” I sobbed into his hair. He chuckled quietly and let me cling on to him for as long as I needed to.

“I know buying this place without discussing it with you first was a big risk to take, but I just... completely fell in love with it. If you'd hated it I would've been utterly screwed.”

“No, I don't hate it,” I said, finally being able to let go of James. “I love it, too.” An arm still around James' shoulders I took another look around the living-room and foyer, looking at it very differently now that I knew it I might get to live here. No that I was going to live here. This was our house.

“It's a relatively quiet area, lots of big residential houses mostly. There's a good school not far from here. It'll take you about 15 minutes to get to work. And we're still in London.”

“You really don't have to sell this place to me any more, I'm already completely sold on it. But it isn't Hammersmith, though,” I pointed out. “Sure you want to move away from there?”

“Oh, I've lived in Hammersmith for aeons,” he shrugged.

“That's my point though, you've lived in that house for ages, you must have a lot of memories in it. You've lived most of your life in that place, can't be that easy to just pack up and leave.”

“Well, of course I have lots of memories in that house, and yes, I have really liked living there. But my sisters and my mum is right, the place is just too small, too impractical to have children in. I've seen Jezza's kids grow up, and Hammonds, and... Kids need space to run around, and I like the idea of just being able to open the door and let them out to play without having to worry about traffic or anything else. There's plenty of room in the garden to play football or build space rockets... And I was thinking I could big a huge tree house in one of those trees at the back, maybe...”

“Wow. You've really given this a lot of thought, haven't you?” I asked, staring at James with awe. He just nodded, smiling warmly. “Admit it, you were the one who was building space rockets,” I nudged him.

“Possibly. But I would probably do the actual building in my new, big workshop out front. I'd only launch them from the garden.”

“Have you realised this means you won't have a pub around the corner any more?”

“Emily, I'm 49 years old and becoming a dad. It is about high time the days were having a pub around the corner was a priority were over!” He said exasperatedly. “Also, there is a pub about two blocks away.” He added, raising a finger in the air. I laughed loudly and rested against James, snaking an arm around him. In return he squeezed me tight and buried his face in my hair for a moment. “You know, I'd move to absolutely anywhere as long as I got you to move with me,” he sighed. “Except Resolute, Canada. I am not made to live that close to the north pole, I learned that the hard way.” I chuckled a little, trying to wrap my brain around the fact that we were moving. James had bought a big house and we were going to live in it. With our baby. Then suddenly realisation dawned on me.

“I have one demand if we're going to live here, one which is non-negotiable.”

“....Which is?”

“That we hire a cleaning lady a few times a week. I am becoming a mum, I am not going to waste all my time cleaning this huge house. Unless you fancy cleaning it all, which, knowing you... You probably would.”

“All right, this house is big, I can see your point. Fine, we'll get someone to clean it,” he agreed.

“We can tell the person to leave one room untidy and unclean? Just for you?” I smirked, and James chortled. “I... I can't believe you did this. You... bought us a house. A bloody huge, gorgeous house. That's insane,” I breathed, the enormity of it crashing down on me again.

“You said you wanted a bigger bathtub,” he said practically.

“This is one heck of a Christmas gift, James... You know, I'll never be able to repay you for this, not in a million years.”

“Emily, it's just money. And I know that is an obnoxious thing to say by someone who has more than enough of it, but... I can still remember what it was like to barely make the rent each month. But the money never made my life that much happier. But you did.”

“Aaaw. I did?”

“Yes. Are you happy, though?”

“I... have no words to describe how happy I am right now. Surprised! But so, so happy.”

“Good. See, I'd do anything for you, and for my family. I'd do anything to make you happy, sweetheart. ”

“You are incredibly good at it, too! So when can we move in?” I asked impatiently. Then my expression sagged a little. “Oh god, how are we going to move? I mean, I shouldn't lift anything heavier than a bag of groceries!” I despaired.

“Don't you worry about that. We'll pay some big, burly men to do most of the heavy lifting, and I'll recruit the help of a few mates as well, I have a few favours I can collect on. You can just.. chose the colour on the wall and point to where the nails for the pictures should be.”

“I'm sorry I won't be much help...”

“Don't worry about it, I said. You'll help as much as you can. We can move in as soon as we come home from our holiday,” he smiled. I stared at him, blinking dazedly, trying to figure out something to say what could express what I was feeling. James ran a hand over my hair and cheek, and once again I felt treacherous tears run down my cheeks. I had no control over them these days.

“I don't... I don't deserve this, James. I don't deserve you,” I sniffed.

“I couldn't care less what you deserve, Emily. You're getting it either way,” he said in such a way that I knew there was no point to arguing. For some reason I started laughing in stead.

“I think I can learn to live with it...”

“You better,” James hummed and gave me a long kiss. Pulling back again he was smiling widely, relief radiating from him. It was obvious that he really had been worried that I wouldn't like the house, or object to it in some way. For a while I just stared at him, shaking my head a little.

“What?” He frowned.

“I live my life with you, I think I know you, I think I know what is going on in that head of yours, and then... you do all this. You realise we probably need a bigger house, you go out and find the perfect one and then you just... buy it. And I had no idea...”

“Are you very subtly yelling at me?” James asked, smiling sweetly at me.

“No, no, I'm not, not at all. I just... can't believe you sorted all this out and I had no idea. This is what is so amazing about you,” I smiled.

“Thank you. I'm just relieved that you like the house and want to live here with me.” James eyes glittered with happiness and warmth, and I loved seeing that in him. Loved knowing that I was the cause of that. “Ready to go home? Well, to the other home.”

“Yeah. Lets go.” Getting back into the car I took a last look at the house, it looked dark and looming in the quickly fading light of the December afternoon. Looking at it, my heart skipped a few beats. I couldn't wait to move into it, to fill it with colour and sounds and laughter, to make it ours.